Fire Volume / King Push / Jesse Exile

I wish I was distracted and not worry about what people think of me. Feel alone like I ruin things with my behavior and anxieties. I feel like a simple goal for most is near and far for me. I tend to have the lowest of the low self esteem. Wishing I was normal or at least feel normal. Instead I'll lie in bed and have a panic attack triggered by me over thinking and analyzing. Woo!

Plenary Solo / Turkey Rolls

Sometimes get so anxious I question whether I should say or do so I stay quiet and do nothing.

Nightcall (Kavinsky feat. LoveFoxx Cover) - London Grammar - If You Wait

Concierge / Lobby Boy

Often I wish I could relate.

Brett / Matsuda (One Job) / Wax Of Feather Wings

Wishing I could be normal. Wishing circumstance, choice, "just being" wasn't in play. No choice anyway.

Do You Know The Waysofar / Sequence Arpeggio Lighting

Questions I don't want to answer truthfully nor will I?

• How was your week?
• What did you get up to?
• So what are you doing right now?

All normal questions I just don't want be honest about it granted I don't think many people genuinely like answering these questions either from my experiences with people so I guess I'm in the same boat. This isn't about one person for anyone reading this I don't want people reading this to think I'm targeting them or anything like that.

Racer - Giorgio Moroder - Racer: A Chrome Experiment

Strunk / un dernier combat / Sierra Leone

STOP THINKING!!! gah can't I just relax to stupid shit like a video game without over thinking...

Jizzlober - Faith No More - Angel Dust

Insight / Untrue / Glacier[3] / Balls To The Wall (Pillow Fight Mix)

Thoughts, processes all circles to do with different issues, identity, discrimination, arguments. All running through my head at night creating balance can be hard in life. Especially in terms of control and curiosity. Moving from a standstill can be a problem. Fighting the big fight is something I'm passionate about changing and challenging views is something I enjoy especially seeing changes and creating positive thoughts in the world and others it slowly makes things better. I'm wondering if I feel as though I'm at a "standstill" because I know nothing else or because of the worth I have felt to the point of anxiety or distress in loss of the past or me not enjoying the step forward. I know whoever reads this must think I'm a mess... I am a bit it was written with that intention and that confusion.

Born In Winter - Gojira - L'Enfant Sauvage

Dominique / 3rd Tier Can't Kick Me

For the past 2 months my perceptions have changed about identity. Thanks to drastic change and 3 people who have no idea what they have done to change my life. But I thank them I may have crawled back to the old occupation but that's ok my ideals and perceptions of that has changed to along with unintended hard love where I took the fall.

Wondering / New Silence

Gah..... thoughts, choices, consequences, complication, ups and downs I guess that's life. Everyone has an opinion of where I should be at or have done, I can't just be. Words and a "feeling" can rule a mind when you want it finished.

Beta Male / Clog

I wish a friend would stop being mad and talk to me I miss conversations and dumb jokes. Being the fall guy sucks... 3 weeks and still hating sigh...

Supererogation / Money Folder / Anything But Love

Solve money problem but hurt a friend whatever choice i make i hurt someone I hope they are OK I didn't mean for it to go down like this.

 (Its Cloudy Now) עכשיו מעונן - Aviv Gefen

Silverwing / A Single Moment Of Sincerity / Move Of Ten / Pce Freeze 2.8i

I feel if I write something now it'll come off as aggressive which wouldn't be my intention. So all I'll say is that I hope my readers had a good Saturday night whatever you may all be doing.

Carry The Cross - Arch Enemy - Doomsday Machine

(EDIT: I realize this song has multiple meanings the more I listen lol.... I posted for personal reasons)

Careful With That Axe Eugene! (2) / Human Clay / The Stone

I feel... gah... it sucks I started thinking today about something everyday that I felt nearly killed me two years ago when really it was my mind set at the time. But I find myself questioning whether a change was just putting something on hold. Something I can't talk about because I'm not allowed to along with a recurring social problem I tend to create time and time again at least it feels like that, so my job is to tip toe around everyone guess it's been like this since primary school it happens.

Diaries of Absence / Angela's Legion

Proud of myself got extremely stressed about a task and took care of it myself without asking for help instead of getting upset and doing nothing I got my arse in gear and did it myself. Now I feel great.

Clipping / Ethereal

Feeling anxious and isolated because I'm stupidly putting self worth somewhere else fuck... things hitting me where I shouldn't compare

"You can't take a picture of this it's already gone" / Colour the Small One

Sometimes I feel like David Fisher minus a few properties and some alterations. Morals, ethics, even in some circumstances conservative filled with conflict. At times selfish but always trying to stand strong and help others and all I do is hurt myself in the process.

Secretly - Skunk Anansie - Post Orgasmic Chill

 

Where Dreams Go To Die / Everyone Nose / they

I'll start this off by saying that everyone has insecurities whether it be body image, self worth, & self doubt to cover a few. We all cope differently but I think the important thing is knowing when to realise that and behave in a way that's acceptable and if we don't acknowledge that try to adjust yourself for the future and most importantly try not to dwell no ones perfect we all fall and crash sometimes we are human.

Everyone is different, all with strengths and flaws.... like I know I'm by no means perfect. To be honest I don't know where I want to go with this it was intended to be a piece about friends and relationships but I don't know how to make my point some people may know what I am talking about. BLAH!

Recently I made the decision to finally remove someone out of my life that I have been clinging onto the idea for years.... and it wasn't as hard as it would have been a few years ago.

I posted this song because I feel it talks about me in some ways and my coming of age. 

It Doesn't Matter To Him (Live) - John Grant - Pale Green Ghosts

Redefine A Shade / 2012 A.D. hanging around

Can't sleep just thinking what position I put myself into. What can I do. Wish I could rewind. I thought I changed this dumb behavior gah!!

Destroy Create Transform Sublimate / I'm In It

Never thought I'd be in such a way over this fuck! I'll fuck it up I probably already have I'm not good at this stuff. Talking is harder considering certain circumstances with some of my closest friends that I usually talk to sigh.

Always Never - Porcupine Tree - Up The Downstair (Wrong Cover Pictured Below)