Ragna Noel / Aussie drp

Just want to cry I'm such a waste of time tossing and turning trying to sleep. Always thinking of how behind I am how people find it amusing, funny, interesting. How I misread everything feeling dumber every second and more awkward.

Cowering in the corner / Flush

I feel bad... There's things id like to talk about but am literally scared about getting yelled at. I already feel inferior.

Ih Ah / Jan

Grrrr why do I bother making an effort with certain people if they don't with me. Oh well guess I have others just shitty. I should evolve and learn.

Undertow / Duckworth

Why do I hate myself I don't understand why I think this way I'll just roll around In my own head. Crying inside smiling around others while I die inside...

Polymorphic Code / Nova

All I want to do is ball my eyes out why can't I just feel happy why do I always feel so lonely, empty and unfulfilled.

Je Dois Partir / Did I Give You Concrete Shoes?

I look at myself in the mirror see my ugly self, fat, just unattractive and desperate for acceptance DESPERATE FOR ANYTHING. Wanting things over and done with so I feel less of a pathetic loser wondering the Earth with no future. Feeling anxious like I'm a terrible person who keeps annoying people pissing them off being awkward. People take pity on me while I cry at night but who cares. Does it matter I'll be contacted because I'm asking for attention and sympathy for my non-problems. Too tired to type anymore. Bottom of the line is ugly, awkward annoying cunt, desperate, lonely, crying loser... Pffttt... I am the table.

The Only Way (Is The Wrong Way) - Filter - The Amalgamut

ACV / Custard Paint / Ever Be

This last week I've been stewing over the past things I loved things I hated... Things that can't leave my mind good, bad and the held back. You can be driving and a topic will just pop in mind and it won't leave I'll review it over and over trying to make sense of events not always bad not always to even to do with myself either.
I like to think some aspects of my life will return to the way it previously was. Denial of my depression was bliss in a weird way. I'm not living in denial I know I'm not happy or content with my life but I try and soldier on.
I'm still so lonely all I want is human contact. Why am I so god damn ugly, and awkward how can people find contentment I don't understand... I recently met a girl so cheery, so happy never have I met someone like this person ever I don't get it at all.

Hang out with people all on online dating all getting bites while i get nothing... People talk about people chasing one another and it just happening. Things just happening is something people have told me for years to make me feel better saying but you have this in your life or this. All I want is someone to hold, have fun with fuck it why so I write this no one really understands they say they do they have no idea. Just a lonely anxious fuck.

Fried Oreos / Recording Paradise on Chapel

Anxious, lonely, feeling dumb, left in the dust.... Just some things I use to describe my life. I feel like a jerk... When I haven't done a thing like a burden... Full of hopes and dreams so far out of reach. Want to cry...what's it matter no one cares anyway....

My CD isn't great / Floating Sequence

First day of 2013 feel good.... Till I lay down and realise how alone I am and how I can't take my own advIce. New years resolution same as last year same as every year... "beat depression get girlfriend lose virginity". People say it'll happen when it happens....easy for you to say try it yourself people say oh I'm going through the same thing fuck off you are you don't know anything...