This last week I've been stewing over the past things I loved things I hated... Things that can't leave my mind good, bad and the held back. You can be driving and a topic will just pop in mind and it won't leave I'll review it over and over trying to make sense of events not always bad not always to even to do with myself either.
I like to think some aspects of my life will return to the way it previously was. Denial of my depression was bliss in a weird way. I'm not living in denial I know I'm not happy or content with my life but I try and soldier on.
I'm still so lonely all I want is human contact. Why am I so god damn ugly, and awkward how can people find contentment I don't understand... I recently met a girl so cheery, so happy never have I met someone like this person ever I don't get it at all.
Hang out with people all on online dating all getting bites while i get nothing... People talk about people chasing one another and it just happening. Things just happening is something people have told me for years to make me feel better saying but you have this in your life or this. All I want is someone to hold, have fun with fuck it why so I write this no one really understands they say they do they have no idea. Just a lonely anxious fuck.
No comments:
Post a Comment