Feeling dumb. Like I don't understand things. Being the nice guy doesn't mean I'm nice it means I'm a self aware arsehole that worries about his own situation constantly. No wonder I'm everything I say I'm everything I say I am. Here I am again begging things that I can change to change. Feeling like a pathetic helpless being hating life.
Monday, 29 July 2013
Saturday, 27 July 2013
AQAA / Alone I Break [7]
Most people know I'll do anything for a friend in any situation even at my own expense I'll try to help. People probably will hate me. The other day things were too much passed out woke up cried for a few hours till I forced myself out to be social. I fall apart alone. I just want to see a smile. And look at myself in the mirror.
Monday, 22 July 2013
God Is An Astronaut / Oppy Pie & Dip
I hate my own company when alone all I do is tell myself how much of a waste I am. Tearing myself down however I can...
This week funeral, appointment relating to my future. Want it to be over before it starts... I really do. I don't know why I'm so harsh on myself the things I tell my self is just mean.
Thursday, 18 July 2013
Welcome To The Machine [@] / OM
Most nights I tear my self down saying I'm a waste, someone who doesn't shut up, fat, ugly, pathetic, in the way, destined to be alone, inadequate, a disappointment.
I don't how to change my thought process I honestly believe most of these things. I'm deathly afraid of talking to someone at a desk that involves future...fuck that sounds pathetic... but I really am afraid even of email.
Judgement Day 2005 / Spirit Carries On
Spent the last hour crying over the recent loss of a family friend may she rest in peace. So full of spirit right till the end a great woman. Who will be missed dearly I really do wish her family and friends the best.
Tuesday, 9 July 2013
Shakes / Almost Again / Big Train
Sweaty, stressed, worried, scared, possibly becoming sick. I can't sleep too much on mind. Doing comparisons in my head, thinking... thinking... million things going through my head. Not sure if I'm just anxious or certain.
Friday, 5 July 2013
Old Sheets / Boarding / Ronnie The Rat
Bah blank just so many things I'd like to say to people but don't I guess everybody is like that... knowing when to shut your mouth is a blessing and a curse
Thursday, 4 July 2013
72 dollars of fish and chips / Chunkee Pickles are Nastee
Today I spent 90% of my day in bed crying scared of people, the future, the present. Anxiety gripping tight unable to move, unable to face my family.
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