Cute Machines / Pinecrest

I wish I knew how to overcome a problem in my life. It's something that can cause me to shake, cry, stress, feel anxious, and feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. Sigh. Don't wanna be that guy that causes a problem over something some wouldn't understand even I don't get but also want people to feel they can talk about it with me.

Galcier (2.0) / Randy Savage

For my entire life I've denied who I've wanted to be by myself, by others, by family, by media. Causing me to feel lonely, be frustrated, be fake and scared. Recently my life has undertaken big changes.... a big one being leaving work something I felt I had to do for myself, the other opening to friends about something about me I've been hiding since a child(from myself as well I might add). Feeling a little free has made me feel so much more confident in myself something I never expected. Friends have been extremely supportive in such a big change and for that I thank them very kindly you're all amazing.

I still deal with a strong moral and ethical compass towards sexism, homophobia, indifference so I guess you could say discrimination in general. But I keep a tighter lip and keep a stricter policy with who I choose to spend time with now in my life. I look around and see people hiding and feel a little sad for them but I know actions are actions and with actions come consequences. I can relate to hiding parts of themselves out of fear, belief, pressure, & image. I've been there all my life I still suffer from it heavily now. In saying all this some friends may believe I'm talking about one or two people in my life. I'd like to make it clear I'm talking about more than one or two people in fact quite a lot of people I know in my life and people in general.

"There are days when people are, So nasty and convincing, They say things beyond belief, That sting and leave you wincing" - John Grant

There's alot of pressure in our society as to what each person needs to be people can say that's not true but those people to be blunt are just stupid or at the very least blind and deaf. But I guess thats life there is always the ignorant, the educated, the informed, the evil, the good....you get the idea world is made of all sorts. Everyone be yourself and important people will stay others are just filler and causing you pain and frustration it took me nearly two decades to come to this conclusion and every now and again when I'm feeling stressed or down I know I'll ignore that sometimes fear & anxiety is a powerful but the important thing doing your best to recognize whether your fear is warranted or not same with anxiety.

"Don't you pay them fuckers as they say no never mind, They don't give two shits about you. It's the blind leading the blind" - John Grant

It's a rare feeling, this increasing confidence I know I still have my issues but I thought I knew confidence maybe I didn't because this all feels new to me and I'm loving it (brb maccas). Even despite the fact I have like no job socially I feel like I can make a positive impact on myself and overcome some major anxiety issues. Also in case you can't already tell OMG JOHN GRANT IS AMAZING FANVCR!!!!! HERE!!!!. Can't wait to see him on Saturday will be amazing his music and words are beautiful and something I relate heavy too.

Glacier - John Grant feat. Sinead O’Connor - Pale Green Ghosts

Tapedeck Sounds / Zone Out

Yesterday was phenomenal something I'll never forget I got to do something I've always wanted to do but always been to scared, nervous, or embarrassed. It was a rush.  My friend was so discrete and respectful towards me hiding my intentions from others in the store knowing I know nothing but explaining things simply without judgment being understanding. I left the store with what my friend bought on my behalf so happy I started to tear up I was so happy. In the store I was so anxious but like a rush but so happy. Something I've wanted to look at and very involved in some I know it existed I'm still to embarrassed to say what it is but so excited to learn. Like to say a big thank you to my friend for helping me it meant a lot to me.

Bamford / Nun

Been a bumpy start stuck in the middle of a quarrel you could say. It's hard to be supportive but firm to both sides. I just want to relax and not think about it, but sadly that's not how the world works. I also want to block out things and stop dwelling. Despite all these things I have things to look forward to. I may have trouble with somethings in my life but I'm becoming comfortable with some aspects.