I feel if I write something now it'll come off as aggressive which wouldn't be my intention. So all I'll say is that I hope my readers had a good Saturday night whatever you may all be doing.
Carry The Cross - Arch Enemy - Doomsday Machine
(EDIT: I realize this song has multiple meanings the more I listen lol.... I posted for personal reasons)
I feel... gah... it sucks I started thinking today about something everyday that I felt nearly killed me two years ago when really it was my mind set at the time. But I find myself questioning whether a change was just putting something on hold. Something I can't talk about because I'm not allowed to along with a recurring social problem I tend to create time and time again at least it feels like that, so my job is to tip toe around everyone guess it's been like this since primary school it happens.
Proud of myself got extremely stressed about a task and took care of it myself without asking for help instead of getting upset and doing nothing I got my arse in gear and did it myself. Now I feel great.
Sometimes I feel like David Fisher minus a few properties and some alterations. Morals, ethics, even in some circumstances conservative filled with conflict. At times selfish but always trying to stand strong and help others and all I do is hurt myself in the process.
I'll start this off by saying that everyone has insecurities whether it be body image, self worth, & self doubt to cover a few. We all cope differently but I think the important thing is knowing when to realise that and behave in a way that's acceptable and if we don't acknowledge that try to adjust yourself for the future and most importantly try not to dwell no ones perfect we all fall and crash sometimes we are human.
Everyone is different, all with strengths and flaws.... like I know I'm by no means perfect. To be honest I don't know where I want to go with this it was intended to be a piece about friends and relationships but I don't know how to make my point some people may know what I am talking about. BLAH!
Recently I made the decision to finally remove someone out of my life that I have been clinging onto the idea for years.... and it wasn't as hard as it would have been a few years ago.
I posted this song because I feel it talks about me in some ways and my coming of age.
It Doesn't Matter To Him (Live) - John Grant - Pale Green Ghosts
Never thought I'd be in such a way over this fuck! I'll fuck it up I probably already have I'm not good at this stuff. Talking is harder considering certain circumstances with some of my closest friends that I usually talk to sigh.
Always Never - Porcupine Tree - Up The Downstair (Wrong Cover Pictured Below)
Things feel like they are going a million miles an hour in my life though nothing is happening and I don't where to go, who to talk too, what to do, and how to be. I want to be happy but don't know what to do. I want to care for all, be so balanced, be good, not be my family. Links, connections, bridges... all seem to be dropping and crumbling due to distance, and other stupid things I do. Sometimes I want to express opinions but worry of consequences so I just keep them to myself. I'm trying to find a balance in myself to be myself Im just not good with the tuning or volume. I need to get on top of my anxieties before I go insane.
