A friend would be nice or someone to talk to. Why be honest... Why be vulnerable... Why try with people. Me isn't wanted by people don't mind the fake me but that's just it. The ones that know like the novelty or probably use it to make themselves feel like better people to themselves. People avoid me even after a night of shenanigans. I feel alienated but let's be honest no one else cares but myself which some would say that's all that matters. I just wouldn't mind if anyone would just ask if I'm OK...
I know I have flaws... Maybe at times I'm overbearing, or a bit of a doormat, or I try to satisfy everyone which never works. My friends over the years have become my family not for any reason or anything towards my actual family who I love in my own way. I love them some have disagreements, hate each other, have screwed one another over, don't know each other, some are just different.
I'm not writing this for any reason other than letting friends know I think about them.
This post along with every other post is scattered. Most nights I worry the world will crumble around me and my mediocre life will get worse. I feel I hold a secret so close to me and at the same time I feel like I'm going to drop it. I search for acceptance and normality all the time. Maybe that's too much... Maybe I'll never have that... I want a friend that's like a bro, I want a friend that's like a sister... A group
I want happy times in the sun surrounded by laughs or times spent enjoying movies on the couch. And maybe I don't have that now but hopefully in the future I can.
I always have a billion things running through my head anxieties, thoughts, curiosities, stresses, fears, and feelings. I don't intend or mean to make close friends my psychologists though I can at times I do it which I apologise for.
