Genki / Zimosport Auto

Gah names leave my head go away..... Blah I hate bed time

Fall Into Sleep / Tasks

Why is it I feel most vulnerable in bed I can have a great day but the second I hit the bed I get depressed about how I'm alone or think about people and situations I'm in or not in... Seems fitting that the room is cold(no matter how high I jack the heater before bed), dark, and lonely. Its always bedtime I feel this way.

Hexen / Grime

Somedays I hate hiding my feelings and my identity but its easier and safer than being open. Masculinity will be civilisations downfall.

Bobby / Gilner

Found a movie describing how I feel right now + more: "Its kind of a funny story"

Nolan 4 / My Bane!!

Have an amazing day so why oh why when its all said and done I'm still thinking of you. :-/

Fuck today

Fuck empathy gets you nowhere

Calgary Alberta / Fuck NO!

This is an opinion thats hard to convey as weird as it sounds I'm not trying to be dirty writing this down I'm trying to convey my pain, my anxiety, and my curiosity.

Sex is a strange, fun, evil, discovery, confusing, amazing...a bit of everything. Its something you can't escape its everywhere media, conversion, human nature. As a person or as a guy age 21 I walk around with this thing attached reminding me of what I'm missing creating thoughts, fantasies, ideals. People say to me sex isn't everything all coming from people who have experienced it, but if you ask them how is sex they say pretty good at the very least. As well yourself reminding your self how an orgasm feels when you masturbate you think to yourself this would be great to share this feeling with someone else not mention exploration and fun with someone. Since puberty you start to discover sex and what your body can do all common knowledge but you also think over and over hey this activity is fun I want to share it with someone. In my position I feel I'm watching everyone I know talk about and share their times they have had in relation to sex where I have none. Its like saying everyone can have pizza but you.... You have the ability to order and eat pizza but can't achive it. I know it sounds strange its just how I feel out of place I make sex jokes to feel I fit when I'm doing the opposite but do it out of anxiety. Blah I feel shit sleep and pass out forget about life. Still don't know how I feel about sex can't even describe what I mean.

Stir Fry / Papadums

Sitting alone as normal, people ignoring my messages you know the usual. I imagine dark scenarios in my head feeling like nothing, a piece of shit, waste of space and time. Dreading tasks I'll screw up who am I going to prove wrong no one cares and I don't either...

Aeons / sleepmakeswaves / 7 Engine(shots)

Have a good day with my brother it was fun... so why can all I think about is her and how I've probably forgotten something or how everyone puts up with my shit. I have trouble being alone. Feel everything building want to just lay in bed forever sounds like heaven to me with the door shut.

Themata - Karnivool - Themata

 

Jugband Blues / The Madcap Laughs

So lonely. Just want company someone comes in I be overbearing just want someone to talk to... Feel like the late Syd Barret lost, alone, and confused.

Octopus - Syd Barret - The Madcap Laughs

Hey, your awake! / Come to the Coast

Some people say human connection is as essential as food or water. How am I living? I feel I'm not. I wish things in society were different but I guess thats just me being selfish as always. I lay in bed feeling like that stereotypical nerd seen in TV that giggles over a girl touching him and its true, Fuck! I'm a loser.

Ji / HR 8938 Cephei / Traestorz

Another night stewing with my problems feeling dull and alone as usual stare at the floor cry then pick myself up to play video games or something then cry again. Such a pathetic life.. It's everywhere wish I could get somewhere or even a confidence boost like someone chasing me or telling me I look good or something feel like I'm fishing for compliments which I sort of am. Everyone makes it sound so simple with stories to tell and things while I just feel out of place, on the outside of social norms.

All the same shit I laze around home today I slept till 5:30 in the afternoon why? because I don't see the point being awake and bored might aswell sleep the day away while I can avoid misery and my bitter life.

Ih-Ah! - Devin Townsend Project - Unplugged

Take It Easy / Emptiness Unobstructed

Feeling Anxious I seem hard to talk to and don't feel comfortable. I know it seems cliche when I say this but I don't feel anyone understands or wants to understand my problem instead they go "Well you..." or something along those lines without letting me finish. I don't know... can't even explain I'm just going to pass out.

Memory Imprints

I hate my memory why do I blank for gah feel like an idiot. My dream for many years to be able to curl up to someone nothing sexual just to lay next to someone passionately maybe talk enjoy a laugh its such a simple dream. Sometimes I lay in bed and just stare into space for hours instead laptop showing a tv show for  background noise.

Resolve! / Seventh Wave

I've had a good day today but it'll get to the end of the day and I'll feel anxious and worry to myself and a little depressed I don't know I shouldn't be but I am. Slept early now I'm wide awake figure out sleepingness.

Ji - Periphery - Periphery II: This Time It's Personal

 

Pulse / Muscles For Bones: Richard Dunn (RIP)

I had fun tonight with one of my favourite friends even if it has been a bitch session at times. I'm tired I go sleep.