I read a blog tonight that in all honesty is the truth but also what most psychologists would label as rumination. It talked of society, people, ideals, and social etiquette basically saying "Fuck you WORLD!" which I can admit I'm like all the time whether on the outside or on the inside. But it got me thinking obviously there are a lot of people like us that think this way so why is the world the way it is I guess we all follow to much.
Finding someone else with a problem is a simple way to support your own fear of change in yourself. I would personally suggest further counselling and for the millionth time, writing away from the public eye.
ReplyDeleteI understand that you may have some feeling of "freedom" from writing in this blog, but I think you have a problem with emotion and inappropriate emotional space. Blogging publicly on a regular basis with a strong focus on the negatives is against the psychological advise you have been given. I'm not saying by any means that you do not have a right to your feelings or that they should in some way be invalidated, but I think you need to be much more aware of your reactivity and need for approval from others. It seems very apparent to me and it's not the way to get better.
I find myself checking this blog on a regular basis, not because I enjoy it, but because I believe it is one way you validate, feed and support your current issues and I try to keep an eye on it for my own sake, lest you say something out of context publicly that would directly affect me, or in case I need to be aware of coming home to a house where you are in a poor emotional state.
Doing this actually breeds anxiety and deep resentment in me (which I'm aware that I will need to manage more effectively in myself), and it also makes me very angry. Reading this makes me want to scream at you that you are not the only one who has problems, and for god's sake learn when it is and is not appropriate to open your mouth and share certain emotions.
So instead I've tried here to be clear and concise about my concerns about this blog and the impact it is having on me. My other worry is that I am not alone in these feelings.
I actually actively distance myself from you when something you write on here angers or frustrates me, rather than talking to you directly. I understand that is something I also need to work on, but you also need to consider your own accountability and your desired outcomes.
I reiterate, I don't think your writing stlye over the past 6 months or so is appropriate content for a public blog, primarily because it self-supports your own fear of change in terms of rumination and thought processes, while potentially hurting and isolating people who would support you through your illness and consider you a friend.
I encourage you to write in as open a manner as you dare in a more private setting, and use that time getting everything off your chest to more clearly evaluate what you will share and how you will then react in a public setting.
I hope I have been warm, direct and clear about my concerns here in a mature fashion.