I keep falling too hard it's a problem then play victim. I'm too embarrassed to hang out with anyone to ashamed of my behavior. I block a friend on Facebook. As the thought makes me cry at the moment he's probably attacking me right now. I cry all day trying to compose myself eventually get up to get food as my head hurts. This week terrifies me a birthday of an old friend waiting for phone calls of abuse from people who don't understand like a funeral a few months ago. I try to be the mature one in everything I try. My anxiety got to me last night and I flew off the handle fuck I'm an idiot. Lack of activity in life recently is bringing me down I'd hang with friends but I don't think it's a good idea. All I want is a hug that's all I've wanted in my life and someone to share good times...but I guess that's hard to find. I want my heart to stop pounding I want it fixed. Ehh I'll still I'm pathetic.
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