Awake!

No Lingerie / Distance Floating / Pig Man

Wish I could help answer all my work crews questions unfortunately I can't but I can give them examples of my experiences in dealing with management and previous changes and how they worked out. We'll make it through together we all support each other like a family things are dark but we are stronger than that and will make it through.

Franco Breaking / ...Announcing Zany

Scared, lost, absent, anxious... wanting a distraction

Life at Sunnydale High / Scratched Your Corolla...

Sometimes I dream of wondering down old suburban streets in Melbourne because it's quieter and prettier than dealing with my life even when I try to avoid everything. Be it a 10 page message from someone I hadn't spoken to in nearly 2 years, to my current social life that I feel crumbles away each day, to people dying and friends crying, to learning of rumours spread about yourself where you least suspect.

Music and tv has been an escape whether it be the left wing views of Carrie Brownstein to absurd lyrics from kanye west over far out acid house music. Call it rumination, call it playing the victim people are probably right I'm probably trash. While I wallow in self pity.

Tendon / Super-Collider

Wish I wasn't down about things right now wish I could forget feelings immediately and move on right away. I wish things were that simple. I wish my heart would stop beating at this pace.

Christmas Deodorant / Charlie Jumps High

Had a strange day filled with darkness, mess, new connections, unexpected reconnections, & pain. I'm getting better I think I'm probably wrong. I must remember my first rule a relationship only works if both want it. I love my friends especially all my girlfriends... such great people all smart, strong, and beautiful.

Zucchini Milk / No Movie / Chicago Fat

I keep falling too hard it's a problem then play victim. I'm too embarrassed to hang out with anyone to ashamed of my behavior. I block a friend on Facebook. As the thought makes me cry at the moment he's probably attacking me right now. I cry all day trying to compose myself eventually get up to get food as my head hurts. This week terrifies me a birthday of an old friend waiting for phone calls of abuse from people who don't understand like a funeral a few months ago. I try to be the mature one in everything I try. My anxiety got to me last night and I flew off the handle fuck I'm an idiot. Lack of activity in life recently is bringing me down I'd hang with friends but I don't think it's a good idea. All I want is a hug that's all I've wanted in my life and someone to share good times...but I guess that's hard to find. I want my heart to stop pounding I want it fixed. Ehh I'll still I'm pathetic.

Having Heart is a liability / Fred'n'Carrie

Just going to crawl up into bed hide my shame, embarrassment, my heart... I'm a fool

Gold Teeth On Me / Lonely Day

Fuck today

On'n'On / Nothing's Funny

Heart beating a million miles an hour, body jumps into ultra sensitive state. Headaches. Can't sleep, exhausted. Gotta work. Too much... too much... SCARED

"Least you got pants on..." / Automatic Fantasy

Feel so much has happened mind can't process things... so many things to worry about. Tension all around wish I could just relax and stop my heart beating a million miles a minute. I care for so many and feel I'm letting people down. Wide awake should be asleep feeling like a jerk, and a fool.

Sleepy Basement / Politics

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed to the point where I don't know what to do. Quiet, lonely, messy, busy struggling to keep my head up socially, mentally, physically. Lacking sleep I'll push on till collapse.

Bon Fire / Passed Return

Behind, dragging, awkward, unknowing, unwanted, unattractive, shy, scarred, crying.

April Sun / Billy

Every outcome in my head ends in disaster in any situation. In my head nothing will go right. I tell myself I'm a good catch but results speak volumes. I want a hug and someone to talk to...

7 Words / Eddies Clothing

Missing out....

Rapture / Dropping Cable

Wish I could Love sigh...

Phantom 1.5 / Biotech Is Godzilla

I wish I had someone to care for that was a partner. Feel lonely crying knowing that people never see me a romantic light I'm just a guy people say will find someone... or oh he deserves someone...

Sigh I'll go to sleep now and live in my fantasy land...

Adrenaline / Yokan / Bouncing Dot

All I want is a hug and someone to love no more repeating mistakes

Burning Inside / Nights In White Satin / Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!

I shouldn't complain I don't have a bad life by any means even if sometimes I think I don't. As much as I work and study and even owe money to close relatives who help me. I can't help but think of things I've thrown away over the years it seems like a waste. I must admit sometimes it catches up on me like people sending me abuse when a funeral takes place from people left and right including people I live with from the moment I wake up/woken up to. It was a while ago but it still bothers me that people thought I didn't give a shit. Blah going in circles that was a while it just got me angry and that needed to be said.

I'll stop I'll just go on and on about stupid things I think about..... being lonely crying at night feeling sorry for myself and such. I don't feel comfortable talking I appreciate everyone's love and care as dumb as it sounds sometimes I just want a dumb answer of "hey, it's alright...". I know its false. I just wish I had company.....

Dislocated Day[Live] - Porcupine Tree - Coma Divine

 

Elf Darkness / Chet

Do you ever feel not wanted because you give off a vibe of yourself and how you are really feeling inside...