Manticore / Caught In Eclipse / Framus

Feeling dumb. Like I don't understand things. Being the nice guy doesn't mean I'm nice it means I'm a self aware arsehole that worries about his own situation constantly. No wonder I'm everything I say I'm everything I say I am. Here I am again begging things that I can change to change. Feeling like a pathetic helpless being hating life.

AQAA / Alone I Break [7]

Most people know I'll do anything for a friend in any situation even at my own expense I'll try to help. People probably will hate me. The other day things were too much passed out woke up cried for a few hours till I forced myself out to be social. I fall apart alone. I just want to see a smile. And look at myself in the mirror.

God Is An Astronaut / Oppy Pie & Dip

I hate my own company when alone all I do is tell myself how much of a waste I am. Tearing myself down however I can...

This week funeral, appointment relating to my future. Want it to be over before it starts... I really do. I don't know why I'm so harsh on myself the things I tell my self is just mean.

Welcome To The Machine [@] / OM

Most nights I tear my self down saying I'm a waste, someone who doesn't shut up, fat, ugly, pathetic, in the way, destined to be alone, inadequate, a disappointment.

I don't how to change my thought process I honestly believe most of these things. I'm deathly afraid of talking to someone at a desk that involves future...fuck that sounds pathetic... but I really am afraid even of email.

Judgement Day 2005 / Spirit Carries On

Spent the last hour crying over the recent loss of a family friend may she rest in peace. So full of spirit right till the end a great woman. Who will be missed dearly I really do wish her family and friends the best.

Shakes / Almost Again / Big Train

Sweaty, stressed, worried, scared, possibly becoming sick. I can't sleep too much on mind. Doing comparisons in my head, thinking... thinking... million things going through my head. Not sure if I'm just anxious or certain.

Old Sheets / Boarding / Ronnie The Rat

Bah blank just so many things I'd like to say to people but don't I guess everybody is like that... knowing when to shut your mouth is a blessing and a curse

72 dollars of fish and chips / Chunkee Pickles are Nastee

Today I spent 90% of my day in bed crying scared of people, the future, the present. Anxiety gripping tight unable to move, unable to face my family.

Cry For A Phantom Agony / 251 Blocks Black

Most days I have things on my mind, 70% of those days aswell I'll go into myself scared to talk due to fear of what people will think of me. I get scared when I talk I become this emotional mess. People I talk to are probably nodding... or tearing me down for making assumptions... or going he's playing the victim. These thought patterns eat me alive. I go in circles, worried to death what friends think of me not sure if I've offended them or bugging them...or if they want me around. This, plus future thoughts be it love or a career...my appearance. I often walk around wondering if I'm a common subject of humour. Anxiety is a cunt I wish I could handle it better sometimes.

Awake!

No Lingerie / Distance Floating / Pig Man

Wish I could help answer all my work crews questions unfortunately I can't but I can give them examples of my experiences in dealing with management and previous changes and how they worked out. We'll make it through together we all support each other like a family things are dark but we are stronger than that and will make it through.

Franco Breaking / ...Announcing Zany

Scared, lost, absent, anxious... wanting a distraction

Life at Sunnydale High / Scratched Your Corolla...

Sometimes I dream of wondering down old suburban streets in Melbourne because it's quieter and prettier than dealing with my life even when I try to avoid everything. Be it a 10 page message from someone I hadn't spoken to in nearly 2 years, to my current social life that I feel crumbles away each day, to people dying and friends crying, to learning of rumours spread about yourself where you least suspect.

Music and tv has been an escape whether it be the left wing views of Carrie Brownstein to absurd lyrics from kanye west over far out acid house music. Call it rumination, call it playing the victim people are probably right I'm probably trash. While I wallow in self pity.

Tendon / Super-Collider

Wish I wasn't down about things right now wish I could forget feelings immediately and move on right away. I wish things were that simple. I wish my heart would stop beating at this pace.

Christmas Deodorant / Charlie Jumps High

Had a strange day filled with darkness, mess, new connections, unexpected reconnections, & pain. I'm getting better I think I'm probably wrong. I must remember my first rule a relationship only works if both want it. I love my friends especially all my girlfriends... such great people all smart, strong, and beautiful.

Zucchini Milk / No Movie / Chicago Fat

I keep falling too hard it's a problem then play victim. I'm too embarrassed to hang out with anyone to ashamed of my behavior. I block a friend on Facebook. As the thought makes me cry at the moment he's probably attacking me right now. I cry all day trying to compose myself eventually get up to get food as my head hurts. This week terrifies me a birthday of an old friend waiting for phone calls of abuse from people who don't understand like a funeral a few months ago. I try to be the mature one in everything I try. My anxiety got to me last night and I flew off the handle fuck I'm an idiot. Lack of activity in life recently is bringing me down I'd hang with friends but I don't think it's a good idea. All I want is a hug that's all I've wanted in my life and someone to share good times...but I guess that's hard to find. I want my heart to stop pounding I want it fixed. Ehh I'll still I'm pathetic.

Having Heart is a liability / Fred'n'Carrie

Just going to crawl up into bed hide my shame, embarrassment, my heart... I'm a fool

Gold Teeth On Me / Lonely Day

Fuck today

On'n'On / Nothing's Funny

Heart beating a million miles an hour, body jumps into ultra sensitive state. Headaches. Can't sleep, exhausted. Gotta work. Too much... too much... SCARED

"Least you got pants on..." / Automatic Fantasy

Feel so much has happened mind can't process things... so many things to worry about. Tension all around wish I could just relax and stop my heart beating a million miles a minute. I care for so many and feel I'm letting people down. Wide awake should be asleep feeling like a jerk, and a fool.