It's All Wrong / Foe Life / The Life Aquatic

Feels like I'm lying in a crack about to collapse open to attack by people. I have things to look forward to I just have no faith anything can come true. I feel like I'm being juggled by people and someone will hate me by the end of things. I hold back scared truth or me standing up for myself will end in more pain and I want no pain. I want separation from some and more closeness from others. Everyone is suffering and I tear myself down over it for some reason. I want happiness for everyone but I know that's unrealistic. I want intimacy but that's a pipe dream for me. I love hearing that my name is being dragged through the mud so angry but I can't bring myself to say fuck you despite having tons of support from many openly gah feelings are fucking shit I guess. I'm scared I'm being selfish and a cunt. I feel I dump things on people heaping things sometimes so I stay quiet so I'm not a problem or burden on others. Always feeling like a social misstep. I hear fighting too often in my life. I want to be strong and I am but sometimes I just want to collapse and cry to someone but if I do I'm vulnerable. Sex sucks, Love sucks, Relationships sucks, Socializing sucks (probably because I have no clue, I'm a stupid fat ugly fuck).

Drive Home - Steven Wilson - The Raven That Refused To Sing (And Other Stories)