People talk about romance and sex like oh it just will happen. Feel like saying fuck off a second if you didn't know me and saw me online on a dating site or in person you'd walk the other way and you know it. People talk like it's nothing like there's choices while I sit here some nights just begging for one. It's pathetic. But it boils down to I have no right to be mad if I had a choice I'd behave the same way. I have many other things I'd like to talk about but this is the main thing I think about. Friends will read this and go...Justin's sad about this again let's cheer him up again.
TBH it really doesn't matter what you look like, it's about attitude. You could look like a bag of dicks, be horribly disfigured, be missing limbs, people in all those categories still end up with boyfriends and girlfriends. It's about attitude. People don't want to be with people that are constantly telling themselves they aren't worthy of love, it comes out in their body language and actions. If a stranger tells you repeatedly in some way that they are not worthy, you're hardly going to argue with them.
ReplyDeleteYour looks are not what's holding you back. Best advice is work on being happy, which lately you've been doing anyway, and try to focus on other things than love and intimacy. The main aim is to be happy, why does it matter how that happens? Who are you competing with? It shouldn't be about needing someone to feel whole, or about ticking life experiences off some bullshit list. And tbh, adding another person to the mix has got just as much chance of making you unhappy as it does making you happy, probably more chance of making you unhappy. There's a reason I've knocked back offers and stayed single over 6 months. The intimacy isn't worth the bullshit. But that's my issue lol.
tl;dr, keep working through this in sessions, you're working in the right direction toward getting past this depression. Comparing yourself to others (I know this is partially where this comes from with you because we've talked heaps about it) is not something anyone needs to do. There will always be someone better at something or with more experience in something than you. There's no joy in comparison, and no progress either.
Just work on being you, the rest of it can go jump. Like seriously, what if you got into a relationship and you immediately got so excited and lovestruck and invested in it that some dickbag used it to just eat up everything good in you and spit you out once you were of no use. Enjoy being single. Enjoy that you can hang with your friends on Tuesdays without some weird fucked up jealousy shit going on. Enjoy spending your money on records and gigs and not having to answer for it to some bullshit spouse. Enjoy knowing that what you do with career and where you live is 100% up to you. There are a lot of things that can be taken for granted when loneliness kicks in, but you actually have a bunch of cool stuff going on as a single guy, that you might not have in a r'ship.
Work with what you can actually work with. instead of hating the face you have or the body you have or whatever else, celebrate your brain and your ability to read others and your musical knowledge, and all those good things about you. Fuck man, I'd be a lot further on in life with your patience, there are things you have that you don't even think about - things that others would kill for. Those things are the attractive things about you that will make you happy and make others want to be around you as well. Celebrate those things and slowly but surely keeping working away at your depression, and things will slowly become easier and more enjoyable.
Tuesdays are filled with jealously most of the time
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