Cloudy Now - Blackfield - Live In New York
Friday, 25 May 2012
Drag Ropes / Script For A Jesters Tear
What's it matter no one cares... I can tell everyone on my steam account is generally on steam playing DotA 2 or posting away on facebook... continuously I turned down work MONEY I NEED. To be sitting on my computer crying building more stress alone making money tighter putting strain on my housemate aswell. Out of all my friends who I go out of my way for doing things I can't afford and so on I invite at least 100 people who intends on coming not even 5 people these people try and cheer me up most days saying your a great guy you have plenty of friends... well I look around and see an empty room playing a third wheel like most nights I do is not my idea of a good time feel like crawling up into bed and dying. I have no money... no fun...no friends. I'll just stare into space that'll be my night gah put on fake smile tomorrow tell work I had an amazing night with friends when really I say bring on death it's not like anyone will obviously miss me.
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Seriously? o.O
ReplyDeleteThe weather was shit, everyone has assignments and the rest had work. If you're going to cry and talk about killing yourself every time something a little bitupsetting and unexpected happens, you're going to live a pretty lonely life. I really wouldn't take it personally.
If you can't see that people give a shit about you, you're freaking blind. I'm sitting here reading this as a first point of call from getting out of bed today and honestly, it's hardly an enjoyable read.
Stop valuing yourself based on other people. And I'm going to be a bit controversial and say this because hey, I have been suicidal, I've been on the meds, I've had anxiety, drugs, the whole thing and I'm not just some random fuck who doesn't understand.
STOP LOOKING FOR REASONS TO BE SAD. The reason you keep getting to this point is not because nobody likes you. It's got nothing to do with your sexuality or your experience. There are plenty of people in similar situations that live very happily. It is because you focus on all of the shit and push all of the good stuff to the side. Seriously man you are just perpetuating your own damned misery.
We cancelled the party last night and we still had people turn up. You had people surrounding you all night. We liked your movie taste, we laughed with you, we played computer games. Seriously dude your life is not that difficult.
If you want to make sure your housemate isn't under strain, do yourself a favour and focus on the positives around you rather than spending your nights navel gazing for all of the minute negative things that go on around you while we're all busy enjoying our time with you, baking, gaming, playing with the dog (who by the way thinks you are some sort of god), going on random road trips, entrusting you with a ton of personal stuff because we know you're loyal....the list goes on.
Look around yourself a little clearer man.
The reality of the situation is that it was a shit night for a party and yeah, maybe a couple of people were being a bit cunty. That's people, who cares? We can all be cunts at times. What's so terrible? Yeah, finances are a bit shit, but it's nothing you can't get out of and you're hardly starving or lacking a warm bed. Sure, you're single and you don't like it. Welcome to about 20 of my 27 years here. OH, but I wouldn't understand because you haven't had any experiences! Bullshit man, seriously. It's notimpossible for you to see someone, but it's going to be fucking hard if you spend your time telling yourself you're worthless and then expect a total stranger to take some sort of love interest in you while you're giving off those vibes (which by the way, aren't even true)...and even with that in mind you have people interested in that sort of thing enough that they talk to you about sexual stuff and the possibility of dates in the future.
I'm not sure what you want other people to do about you being sad. It's all in your hands, you have every ability to fend for yourself, you just need to shift focus.
The party was axed and you still had people all around you wanting to hang out. I see no problem here.