Narayana

It's funny I have a lot of friends but not many I'd go to and talk about anything serious. Like the fact that I keep this blog relatively secret because of solely one individual and I will continue to keep it a secret because truth be told despite my current feelings towards this person that is sending me through my own personal hell that person means the world to me as a friend and I don't want to create a social hell for that person this is my problem and I don't want to create problems for that person. I never thought my life would reach this low especially because of a girl when I was young I never believed that "love" could have this much impact on a person and their actions, I thought it was complete bullshit, I now take them right the fuck back....yeah I was very wrong.

Maybe I should stop thinking a little of self image, its a little hard since we all have a thing in the back of your mind (well I do personally) saying "What will people think?". Like how I don't know if it's just me but the whole unspoken thing between guys where generally even though we are friends we will not discuss ones feelings and personal problems that's why we have female friends its all a bunch of bullshit, saying that I personally am a big follower of this unspoken rule.

Wish I could lose these feelings rather than waking up everyday and staring at the wall for 5 hours then proceeding to go to uni pale as china white looking like I'm going to faint and be distant to close friends they don't deserve that....

Strip The Soul - Porcupine Tree - In Absentia(Lyrics refer to what I want to do to thoughts atm)

This is my home, this is my own, we don't like no strangers
Raise the kids good, beat the kids good and tie them up
Spread it wide, my wife, my life, push the camera deeper
I can use, I abuse, my muse, I made them all

This machine
Is there to please
Strip the soul
Fill the hole
A fire to feed
A belt to bleed
Strip the soul
Kill them all

They are not gone, they are not gone, they are only sleeping
In graves, in ways, in clay, underneath the floor
Building walls, overalls, getting bored, I got faulty wiring
Brick it up now, brick it up now, but keep the bones