Gravitational Constant / Lost Mataban

Constantly worried of disappointing people. Am anxious towards everything I sit in most rooms and panic no matter where I am only exception is when I'm alone which is just me crying constantly. I wake up stressed over daily tasks and whether I can do them properly. I wish I had friends I feel out of place all the time most of my close friends are ignoring me and I'm not anxious about I can see that it's fact and why because I defend other friends...

People say don't worry about all coming from people who have multiple groups of friends. People say don't compare when others do it when explaining something in most cases to me. I wonder if things will change I'm trying and stressing over money is another thing I must be the most childish individual I know. I try to get help I see a doctor and he just wouldn't listen to a word I say nor did he even feign to care like most people. I often wonder if I'm used as a tool for others and once I'm used I get thrown away its been this way my whole life with friends. I'd love a friend to stay by my side that wants to stand by my side for once. I don't feel I can be honest with people as they will run away I try not to be overbearing which can happen at times I can admit. I feel trapped, hollow and abandoned. Feel like I'm a burden on everyone and everything. I kinda like the false friend pretense at least I can pretend to be happy. I'm researching other close doctors clinics and youth services for help as I hate myself... I hate the way I'm thinking at the moment I want it to change. I'm looking for help I just wish I had someone to talk to apart from what feels like paid help.

Abandoned - Kamelot - One Cold Winters Night