Why? Escape? Yeah? / Mouth...SEALED IN TIGHT

When I was younger I wondered why people would actually want to kill them selves I'm beginning to see more and more why people would actually want to do it. I feel like I have no escape what do I do? I want someone to talk to the people I want/try to talk either hate me, ignore me, or get angry with me. Today I broke....AGAIN. It's gotten to the point where if someone asked me have you thought of hurting yourself I would respond with "yes". I just want someone to listen which I know sounds selfish considering I know those around me have problems. I don't want to cause more problems and I might just posting this. Worse thing is my negative thoughts on myself are right. I bank every worry no matter how small till I panic. Pathetic, Lazy, Child. I want escape I want to jump.