Can't be happy have to find something wrong. Try to talk to others doesn't matter who am I fooling I haven't got a soul. I moved for a fresh start but who knew it doesn't work that way. I'm never hungry so I force myself food or I use food as an escape that I can't even afford. Nothing but a fucking child that should have been put down talking won't help I'll just spiral till I hit that crash point. Friends I wish I could have one the ones I have are either completely leaving Victoria and I'm in love with and have been for years because I'm a fucking fool. The other who I treat as a mother because I'm a baby. Others are few and I find frustrating at times. I'm poor I cry myself to sleep each night nothing has changed. I try to keep busy when I'm free but most of the time I just pass out to wake up and keep hating myself more and more each day. Some days I think of just running onto a highway just to end it all I've felt this way for months and months or drive into a pole. I feel I should be honest but I know if I do people may just walk away or I'll be beaten up. Career a Joke. Love pfft don't stupid that won't happen to you look at you..you fat fucking emotional mess. Money nothing but me crawling and begging like I do with life. I get things handed to me as I am a lazy fucking piece of dirt. I deserve to be alone why talk to me I'm a fuck. People yell I pick myself up well I think I do then come to a conclusion that I'm handfed. I get false compliments all the time. I use excuses to pass the day by till it blows up , I feel like everything I do is never good enough or wrong and I look back and know everything I have ever done is sort of a mistake. My Life is a mistake. I cry curled up in a ball tissues everywhere with snot and tears. Feeling selfish knowing others have problems and I just dump on them emotionally and with organisation. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!! Sorry to those who know me and put up with me ill just work and stay below the radar. I guess I could go home listen to family fight while me and my brother pretend we can't hear drown it out with our music.
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