Regulator / Slow Me Down / Things Beyond Things

I sit here not knowing what to do with myself something all to regular to me in my life. I sit here trying to accept a goodbye from a friend which I haven't even received something I found out from others I don't even know when they are leaving its hard to accept someone I used to be so close to just drops you from their life they say they haven't but I clearly have I don't know anything anymore. Struggling self-image. I try to entertain myself it just doesn't work... porn doesn't even do the trick anymore its just shit... movies... music I feel bored and over everything before it even starts...

 ^Me^

I feel I want an adventure but I know that the second it starts I'll be over it. I stress always tense not knowing what to do till I freeze and keel over. Conversations are short no ones interested in talking about me or even to me. Feeling used by mundane things at times. Treated like a baby living outside a circle of everything only place I feel comfortable is at work a place that is supposed to be bad for me I don't tend to ruminate much anymore its more just feeling down I don't tend to run in circles though some could debate it's what I'm doing now and they are probably right. I feel like I'm misunderstood at times and that I have no future look at me deferring from uni from a course I've failed half of when doing part-time study, friends finishing. Friends seem questionable at times I worry about judgements that may be cast. I feel maturity has a huge asterisk next to it. I picture a funeral at times and how it would be in curiosity. Tomorrow I have work in an environment where I think my boss hates me. People are over my moping they shout in anger while I crawl into my corner and cry an all to common occurrence. I constantly worry I'm being a terrible housemate, friend, worker, & person. I sit here awaiting another tragedy/problem to occur. I struggle to keep my head above water. I stare at an ugly face in the mirror seeing a failure and want to punch it in anger. I go home wanting to say hello but everytime it ends in a fight I go to a friends house get ignored... don't blame them really *sigh* oh well off to bed see another meaningless day out I guess just drift through the day much like today.

Regulator - Devin Townsend - Ocean Machine: Biomech