Bring Me To Life - Evanescence - Fallen [I wish this would happen]
Friday, 2 December 2011
Enjoy The Silence / Neverending Quest
Fuck Anxiety I hate it I sit in a room with more than 3 people and I start to feel uncomfortable it reminds of something similar that happened to someone last year who I made fun of and now its happening to me...I guess that's karma. I feel alone to the point where I shoot long depressing messages to an old friend who's going through a hard time as well and make things even more awkward making friendship that I'm striving for even harder to achieve. I'm sick of being a nothing choice 1 millionth last for everything at least its what it seems I guess I'm having a bad night using hyperbole everywhere I know its not that bad I just feel inadequate and being reminded of everything in only one aspect of life I'm missing out on I never thought I'd say this but being set up with someone is looking an option and I hate that idea always have becoming that desperate guy who'll go for anything and I don't want to be.... I need to meet new people just have no idea where people I go for are in the niche market. I worry about image too much I'm trying to change my appearance cos in my head I think I'm repulsive. I have a good personality at least I think I do..... its just my body that needs to change I'm trying I'd love a regular running buddy even just around the streets near my house I feel odd by myself I know that sounds strange. I hate you anxiety its worse than depression it fucks with me so easily wish there was a magic button for it to go away I really do it just makes me feel empty.... and jealous of surroundings of what people have that I don't making me bitter and short which in turns helps fuel everything I want to change things I want to without others help but sometimes I guess I need some support I don't know who to talk to sometimes people aren't talking to some and some are but not talking to you, I don't want to talk to some as I feel they don't understand or get my point of view I guess but that's just it its m point of view. Nothing but running circles with everything right now. All of the CRAZY.
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You're not crazy :) We all go through our shit - I'm not trying to discredit your experience, just trying to let you know that you're not alone :)
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to love, don't feel bad about life's outcomes not aligning with your ideals - I don't think anybody gets it right the first time when it comes to ideals. That means it's ok to try a different tactic, like set-ups. It doesn't make you desperate, not even if it's against what you wanted to do in the past. It makes you more open-minded, and I feel that the more open you are, the more likely you'll find something that makes you happy where you might not have looked before.
Don't be so harsh on yourself, these things never seem to come overnight (although my circumstance is different, I've had a year of rejections as well). The fact of the matter is that you are getting somewhere, it's just that like most things, it's gradual.
Look what you have achieved: you've moved out and you're independent, you're losing weight and you're putting yourself out there - you may not have noticed it but your confidence with girls is improving, or at least your tenacity is (you'd be surprised how often I've also had to fake-it-'till-I've-made-it....and I'm not blowing my own horn here if that sounded ridiculous). Don't lose faith, things will eventually become closer to what you wanted in life, you're taking steps in the right direction.
Chin up :)