Tonight I just crashed right down resorting to crying in my car for 45 minutes till I felt up to going inside now I have a raging headache. I just feel so alone and worried I'm bothering people if I am I'm sorry if I am. I'm bored nothing satisfys me I seek company all the time since I'm afraid of an episode that may occur otherwise I live in fear I'm scared. I'm pressing on doing my best to pull myself up some days are harder than others I feel like a crazy, loser depending on others sometimes people have told me it will get better it won't last forever keep your chin up so I'm trying to be optimistic keep my head up try and smile I'm trying I appreciate the support people have given me and their take I do. Some have told me that being by myself is better all coming from those who have had the experience of a relationship(s) or sex a few have said this I'm aware it comes with its downs but its gotta be better than how I'm feeling now I just feel kind of left out...Its like someone playing a one player video game in front of you that just came out and you desperately want to have a go goes double for the guy who works at a Strip club... Sometimes I hate being so stubborn with my values and image...why does being the nice guy generally get you nowhere I tried being the bad guy for a while for a social experiment a few years ago was hard I can't pull it off but when I did it worked... I'm an idiot sometimes I forget I have friends I'm just to scared to talk to them (FUCK YOU ANXIETY!!! FUCK YOU) instead I make jokes sometimes on expense for a smile I love seeing a smile on peoples faces I know that sounds weird but seeing someone smile especially if I'm the cause makes me so happy. I'll try a positve list its funny I did have a good day then it ended and I crashed.
Getting tagged by friends in Adelaide shows they think of me
Nerf Gun Shopping
Hang with old friends
Got New Rammstein Compilation such a fun listen
Met someone new she seems awesome hopefully she hangs around
Watched Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! and Red State Again lol ending
Had a cuppa with someone awesome
Hopefully I'm better tomorrow and I get to sleep and wake up not dizzy.
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