Foe / A Forest (Continued)

Hmmmmm today has been up and down, wake up feeling tired but good about myself half way through the day I feel down just don't really feel the greatest. I should feel up but I don't know I just feel empty and thinking why? why do I feel this way makes me feel crazy and anxious I hate anxiety its just arghhh terrible I hate it. Dealing with social bullshit I just don't want to be alone which is why I bailed from town without explanation I didn't like the waiting game wasn't their fault I was just a little impatient I find myself jumping around desperately trying to cure boredom which I simply can't fill I'm trying things I wouldn't try normally I don't know I'm trying so hard to entertain myself. I know my friends care about me but sometimes anxiety you fuck with me so so much. Maybe I just need someone seems like a goal I'll never reach sometimes it has been my new years revolution for a decade now, I was told something the other night from someone who I dislike that said "I'm sweet, funny, and caring who can get anyone" I don't know about that so many girls and friends have said that and you know what you ask them "OK, would you ever date someone like me or consider it?" answer is always "well errrrrrr ummm no" I realize I'm not every bodies type but errrr.... sometimes I don't know it gets me down. Just like online dating its getting to the stage where I'm going to dismiss it I've tried like 120 girls can't even get a contact request through.......I've tried changing my profile....changing my picture.....changing my interests.....being very lean on who I am looking for being open minded.... and I have received nothing.

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment don't know what I will say I'm sick of being up and down I feel crazy.....I probably am... maybe going out to a mates place tonight will help me bring up today has been meh.

A Forest - The Cure - Seventeen Seconds