Sigourney Weaver / Glacier

I feel uncomfortable most of the time only a few know why. Hence feeling more alone than I actually am most of the time. Feeling like I hate them because most play that game I refuse to be involved in. I hate the culture and respect they show. I hate connections seem lost I want to fix them. I really do. I love my friends they are my world.

Mechanic God Creation / Not Cold Enough, ....Too Human

Hate not being able to sleep just stressed, anxious, scared, like I'm trapped in a corner. I hate what I am, I hide who I am.

One Simple Idea / Weight Strapped To Chest

Wish I could feel content and less anxious. I try to contact people and just get left with a simple text like "Hey, whats up what are you doing?" stored in drafts because I'm to chicken to contact people. I feel like I'm no fun.

No Church In The Wild / Ranch It Up Mello

Feel alone, helpless, think everyone is avoiding me because I'm too much. People don't know what to do with me afraid of change, scared to talk cos of my fucked up issues. No wonder people walk away I don't blame them. A mess, no fun, a waste of time, a bad person. I just lay at home crying all day coming out to work.

Speak of the Devil / Prunes

Can't talk I'm scared friends think I'm a pathetic freak. And it's easier to deal with me than point that out. Wouldn't blame people for leaving me.

Coupon: The Movie / 1 Cup

I'm stressed, worried, anxious about life and friends. Going nowhere waiting for people to walk away. Crying in bed thinking there's only so much people can put up with.

Everything Counts / Black Dennis

Feels so good to talk you have no idea after being afraid to talk to a soul

2845 / Left Corridor or Right Corridor / Charts and Graphs

Had a down day I did nothing talked to no one was pretty shit. I dunno wishing I could just hang out with someone. Or even chat online I feel restricted, stuck... slept most of it or laid in bed. I have friends but am anxious talking to them sometimes. Some of my thoughts are dark and confronting I get scared they'll disappear. I can't accept compliments my brain can't process it I'll pick it apart for days after its been said.

I wish I could pick up the phone hang out with a friend without constantly questioning what I'm saying, how or where I'm standing or sitting, am I talking to much, am I fun, does this person think I'm interested in them because I'm talking about personal things, if I tell friends I'm not interested in them I don't mean to offend or mean they aren't attractive or a great person, am the cause of stress and problems, wanting to apologize for making friends look at my ugly face and body.

Wish I didn't hide from people and could be happy instead. Putting off things. Feeling I let people down after all I feel like a bad person. I don't feel I deserve attention. My anxiety and loneliness at night is pathetic.

Joel / Burrito

I worry I'm a bad person all the time and a bad friend or just someone to be kept around.

Star / AVMM / Sleep Through Distract

How can something that is everywhere be so God damn interesting to me. How can I stare fascinated for so long at shape and movement. Feel like a Neanderthal. Wanting warmth and closeness with intimacy. People call it an act, some dismiss it. In my mind it's a world I can't explore, touch, or feel...but I can watch through a window and listen to everyone I know speak of it in a simple fashion.

Abso Lutely / 8 Minute Delivery if we are late free pizza

I experience things hearing, watching, tasting... I get inspired by strange and experimental things that people may see or hear and honestly say wtf is wrong with those people. I love that there are people out there being bold, different, and strange. Being safe in entertainment can be a bad thing and when I say that I don't mean being offensive for the sake of it. I wish I could take my own advice and not play things too safe with decisions with my life sometimes a leap is good.

Mendes / Jungle Bridge in WW

I worry I'm a bad friend. That I'm not supportive enough or that in conversation I don't have an answer for them to help. Or I'm too distant or too needy. Or I don't know how to respond. A few people have said they have been happy to meet me citing that I'm important to them in some way. I honestly don't understand it makes no sense to me. Maybe I'm crazy.

Lester Burnham / Fragile Future

Ever thought about the future but not about your job/career. But of your family, friends, & potential loves this may sound weird, corny and even normal. I dream of keeping and finding passionate people without to much ignorance and arrogance in them, good people with a great sense of experiencing life without letting discovery become a selfish game. I know people are flawed and aren't perfect. I want some life, a pulse sort of to run through me and I don't mean a thrill like skydiving or anything like that it's not for me. I write this in not a sad state of mind but not a happy state of mind either. I guess it's wishful thinking and strange to write/think aswell.

I think of small pleasures I'd love in my lonely state of mind like an intimacy of laying in bed with a partner and being quiet or talking softly like a silly romance novel not even in touch but a connection that creates a spark. I guess I'm writing this in a weird way of rumination.

Anxiety can make you worry and scare you I fight it everyday. Being a go to guy can be a blessing and a curse especially when you try to open up to your close friends. Scared you can cause problems amongst friends and add friction. This post sounds sad but I don't mean for it to.

Usually I post music reflecting my post or what I'm listening to currently but instead. I'll post a closing scene from one of my favourite television shows "Six Feet Under" some of it isn't understandable to those who obviously haven't watched it. This scene is so moving it makes happy, sad, laugh, uplifted, depressed, curious. It brings me to tears of mixed emotions its just beautiful everytime I watch it SPOILERS AHEAD for those planning to watch it.

Everyone's Waiting (CLOSING SCENE) - Six Feet Under

 

Tennis by the Park (Normandy) / Secretly

Examining things I try to be positive but some times in the day it's harder than others which sucks. I may get in a mood and anxiously text friends and go into a spiral. I try not to feel lonely but sometimes like tonight I just cry. A lot of my friends are having problems and I try to look after myself but I can't help but worry about my friends. It'd be nice to have someone I feel passionate for. Sigh.... oh well. At the moment I'm trying to combat my thoughts I know they are just thoughts but some days I truly believe them such as "I'm a bad person". Which is very common to me.

Coots / Novacane

I torture myself with curiosity and forums nothing but out of reach.

Kona / Sparrow / Slam Blimp

People talk about romance and sex like oh it just will happen. Feel like saying fuck off a second if you didn't know me and saw me online on a dating site or in person you'd walk the other way and you know it. People talk like it's nothing like there's choices while I sit here some nights just begging for one. It's pathetic. But it boils down to I have no right to be mad if I had a choice I'd behave the same way. I have many other things I'd like to talk about but this is the main thing I think about. Friends will read this and go...Justin's sad about this again let's cheer him up again.

It's All Wrong / Foe Life / The Life Aquatic

Feels like I'm lying in a crack about to collapse open to attack by people. I have things to look forward to I just have no faith anything can come true. I feel like I'm being juggled by people and someone will hate me by the end of things. I hold back scared truth or me standing up for myself will end in more pain and I want no pain. I want separation from some and more closeness from others. Everyone is suffering and I tear myself down over it for some reason. I want happiness for everyone but I know that's unrealistic. I want intimacy but that's a pipe dream for me. I love hearing that my name is being dragged through the mud so angry but I can't bring myself to say fuck you despite having tons of support from many openly gah feelings are fucking shit I guess. I'm scared I'm being selfish and a cunt. I feel I dump things on people heaping things sometimes so I stay quiet so I'm not a problem or burden on others. Always feeling like a social misstep. I hear fighting too often in my life. I want to be strong and I am but sometimes I just want to collapse and cry to someone but if I do I'm vulnerable. Sex sucks, Love sucks, Relationships sucks, Socializing sucks (probably because I have no clue, I'm a stupid fat ugly fuck).

Drive Home - Steven Wilson - The Raven That Refused To Sing (And Other Stories)

 

103 / We are all made of stars (yeah fucking right...)

Feel like screaming... nothing but shit happens. All I am is selfish I'm told I should be more selfish bit don't know how to do it. All I do is find more reasons to think I'm a bad person.

Losing Touch / chili ribs

Scared to be alone. Feel like a social misstep. All I can think about is what I'm missing. I look disgusting I'm filth. Desires and thoughts run through my head. Stressed

B6 Executive / Hommus

Anxious worried about friends, stressing for days. Sick on top.

Big Beat / Halycon

Want to help friends but can't. All I want is to see is smiles on all my close friends faces. It would make so happy to see. Saying that though my opinion of myself says I can't achieve happiness as I don't deserve it as I'm a bad person. I hope day to day that maybe my support is helping my friends but I have no idea. I make it my mission to make my friends feel comfortable and friends feel on edge so I feel like a fuck up.

Dreams Collapsing / Zimmer Hole

Sometimes I wish I could feel happy about things but I'm not I get jealous and bitter about things. I yearn for intimacy just to hold someone and listen. Maybe figure out how to accept a compliment. I question everything worried people hate or are annoyed by me. I'm trying to help myself but I continually think in not worth it.I don't understand what people see in me but it can't be much or it is and I'm just a fat pathetic fuck scared to do anything. I drag myself out with people destined to want to help I'm probably just screwing things up I'll do that.

Raise Your Weapon / Get Scraped

So awake. Just want to calm down. Happy, yet sad and anxious. Will pass out shortly but...

Red Shark / FUN.

I miss having fun that feeling that is achieved somehow... I can't do it alone. Attention span drops. I don't know. I want personal contact feel like a child. I see it around would love that comfort for and another

Safe House B / Watched it all

Gah.... just want to scream my lungs out so badly people have no idea just arghhhhhh!

Offend / Resist

Lonely night off is shit

A.D.I.D.A.S. / Lonerism

Sex leave my mind. Just fuck off.

On Earth / Bulky Ventura

How do people strike the line between fulfilled but without being selfish. I don't know how.

Mumbo No. 5 / Backbone

Feeling as if I'm losing people like something is missing. Like I'm being told what I want to hear. I hate my mind.

עכשיו מעונן / Disconnecting from the Grid

Isolated feeling like life hasn't started. Like a scratched disc. I think I'm too much for people to deal with.

Adlon / Bad Onion

I just want company someone to share time with. I'm a waste.

Everything Waits / "Why take a picture it's already gone"

People can walk away whenever they want no matter how close you are or nice you are. I'm scared of people and barely talk I push through most days. But... my friends I'm scared they all will run away cos I'm selfish and dumb.

Addicted to the Predicted / Silly Hummus

I should've listened to my brain... just not good around people.

Balcony Times / Shock Therapy

I'm excited and anxious about tomorrow. Something I've been putting off for weeks. I'm awkward and worried about my behavior and feelings. I get scared I'll fuck up some social situation or I'll be me and be in everyone's way. I just want a friend...

Never / Lisa / FOTS / Anakie RD / Never

I just want to stop crying... stop fighting. I want to ignore everything. Nothings happening and I'm scared I feel like I'm unworthy of anyone in my life. I have no drive for anything. I'm frightened and afraid. I'm strongly opinionated which is a bad combination.

I feel I'm overbearing and dumb getting in people's way. I feel I'm not allowed to feel or speak. I feel I'm going in circles and I've done it before so I should shut up and deal. Here I am crying, nose dripping.... People tell me "I'm awesome" if that's true how come no-one wants to touch me.... I can connect but I physically revolt people.

Last week I laid in bed crying all week. I'm bored I have nothing to do. And nothing interests me. I enjoy people's fuck ups for my gain because I'm a cunt. I know nothing. All I do is cry to people. People talk about relationships and I get weird as I know nothing and never experienced it I feel very small.

Bored To Death / Null LP

About to sleep thinking about pending boredom for the next 2 days. Wish I wasn't so pathetic.

20 Minutes Snickers / Making Awkward. Good. Yeah?

Sometimes being bisexual is shit.

Monte Crisco / Flying Ambulance Rage!

I don't know what I'm missing... I hear positive things about me said constantly by friends and I don't know how to take it. I generally don't believe them I don't know why....well that's not true some I do.

I also miss a friend I know sometimes she feels replaced but it's so not the case. Love you my friend I miss hanging out.

Fisher family and me / Flesh

I can fake being strong every day to people. I try to be positive saying things that sound silly when I say them to myself. When I'm alone I panic having no idea what to do I get nervous and panic. Questioning things that are my fault. Heart beats crazy I lay still.

Hattie / Idling .5 Cafe

Am I pathetic? I hear anyone bring up sex and start talking down to myself thinking I'm worthless. Feeling left out, because I have no idea can't relate and am upset cos I'm missing out on life. I know that stuff shouldn't be what life is about.... but it's all I want is human contact not necessarily sex (would be nice) but more closeness be in someone's world. I'm doing my best not to be awkward about my thoughts towards topics. I'm a hypocrite I essentially want to fuck but with someone where there is some meaning involved. Feeling alone and empty while telling myself I'm not worth it.

Manticore / Caught In Eclipse / Framus

Feeling dumb. Like I don't understand things. Being the nice guy doesn't mean I'm nice it means I'm a self aware arsehole that worries about his own situation constantly. No wonder I'm everything I say I'm everything I say I am. Here I am again begging things that I can change to change. Feeling like a pathetic helpless being hating life.

AQAA / Alone I Break [7]

Most people know I'll do anything for a friend in any situation even at my own expense I'll try to help. People probably will hate me. The other day things were too much passed out woke up cried for a few hours till I forced myself out to be social. I fall apart alone. I just want to see a smile. And look at myself in the mirror.

God Is An Astronaut / Oppy Pie & Dip

I hate my own company when alone all I do is tell myself how much of a waste I am. Tearing myself down however I can...

This week funeral, appointment relating to my future. Want it to be over before it starts... I really do. I don't know why I'm so harsh on myself the things I tell my self is just mean.

Welcome To The Machine [@] / OM

Most nights I tear my self down saying I'm a waste, someone who doesn't shut up, fat, ugly, pathetic, in the way, destined to be alone, inadequate, a disappointment.

I don't how to change my thought process I honestly believe most of these things. I'm deathly afraid of talking to someone at a desk that involves future...fuck that sounds pathetic... but I really am afraid even of email.

Judgement Day 2005 / Spirit Carries On

Spent the last hour crying over the recent loss of a family friend may she rest in peace. So full of spirit right till the end a great woman. Who will be missed dearly I really do wish her family and friends the best.

Shakes / Almost Again / Big Train

Sweaty, stressed, worried, scared, possibly becoming sick. I can't sleep too much on mind. Doing comparisons in my head, thinking... thinking... million things going through my head. Not sure if I'm just anxious or certain.

Old Sheets / Boarding / Ronnie The Rat

Bah blank just so many things I'd like to say to people but don't I guess everybody is like that... knowing when to shut your mouth is a blessing and a curse

72 dollars of fish and chips / Chunkee Pickles are Nastee

Today I spent 90% of my day in bed crying scared of people, the future, the present. Anxiety gripping tight unable to move, unable to face my family.

Cry For A Phantom Agony / 251 Blocks Black

Most days I have things on my mind, 70% of those days aswell I'll go into myself scared to talk due to fear of what people will think of me. I get scared when I talk I become this emotional mess. People I talk to are probably nodding... or tearing me down for making assumptions... or going he's playing the victim. These thought patterns eat me alive. I go in circles, worried to death what friends think of me not sure if I've offended them or bugging them...or if they want me around. This, plus future thoughts be it love or a career...my appearance. I often walk around wondering if I'm a common subject of humour. Anxiety is a cunt I wish I could handle it better sometimes.

Awake!

No Lingerie / Distance Floating / Pig Man

Wish I could help answer all my work crews questions unfortunately I can't but I can give them examples of my experiences in dealing with management and previous changes and how they worked out. We'll make it through together we all support each other like a family things are dark but we are stronger than that and will make it through.

Franco Breaking / ...Announcing Zany

Scared, lost, absent, anxious... wanting a distraction

Life at Sunnydale High / Scratched Your Corolla...

Sometimes I dream of wondering down old suburban streets in Melbourne because it's quieter and prettier than dealing with my life even when I try to avoid everything. Be it a 10 page message from someone I hadn't spoken to in nearly 2 years, to my current social life that I feel crumbles away each day, to people dying and friends crying, to learning of rumours spread about yourself where you least suspect.

Music and tv has been an escape whether it be the left wing views of Carrie Brownstein to absurd lyrics from kanye west over far out acid house music. Call it rumination, call it playing the victim people are probably right I'm probably trash. While I wallow in self pity.

Tendon / Super-Collider

Wish I wasn't down about things right now wish I could forget feelings immediately and move on right away. I wish things were that simple. I wish my heart would stop beating at this pace.

Christmas Deodorant / Charlie Jumps High

Had a strange day filled with darkness, mess, new connections, unexpected reconnections, & pain. I'm getting better I think I'm probably wrong. I must remember my first rule a relationship only works if both want it. I love my friends especially all my girlfriends... such great people all smart, strong, and beautiful.

Zucchini Milk / No Movie / Chicago Fat

I keep falling too hard it's a problem then play victim. I'm too embarrassed to hang out with anyone to ashamed of my behavior. I block a friend on Facebook. As the thought makes me cry at the moment he's probably attacking me right now. I cry all day trying to compose myself eventually get up to get food as my head hurts. This week terrifies me a birthday of an old friend waiting for phone calls of abuse from people who don't understand like a funeral a few months ago. I try to be the mature one in everything I try. My anxiety got to me last night and I flew off the handle fuck I'm an idiot. Lack of activity in life recently is bringing me down I'd hang with friends but I don't think it's a good idea. All I want is a hug that's all I've wanted in my life and someone to share good times...but I guess that's hard to find. I want my heart to stop pounding I want it fixed. Ehh I'll still I'm pathetic.

Having Heart is a liability / Fred'n'Carrie

Just going to crawl up into bed hide my shame, embarrassment, my heart... I'm a fool

Gold Teeth On Me / Lonely Day

Fuck today

On'n'On / Nothing's Funny

Heart beating a million miles an hour, body jumps into ultra sensitive state. Headaches. Can't sleep, exhausted. Gotta work. Too much... too much... SCARED

"Least you got pants on..." / Automatic Fantasy

Feel so much has happened mind can't process things... so many things to worry about. Tension all around wish I could just relax and stop my heart beating a million miles a minute. I care for so many and feel I'm letting people down. Wide awake should be asleep feeling like a jerk, and a fool.

Sleepy Basement / Politics

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed to the point where I don't know what to do. Quiet, lonely, messy, busy struggling to keep my head up socially, mentally, physically. Lacking sleep I'll push on till collapse.

Bon Fire / Passed Return

Behind, dragging, awkward, unknowing, unwanted, unattractive, shy, scarred, crying.

April Sun / Billy

Every outcome in my head ends in disaster in any situation. In my head nothing will go right. I tell myself I'm a good catch but results speak volumes. I want a hug and someone to talk to...

7 Words / Eddies Clothing

Missing out....

Rapture / Dropping Cable

Wish I could Love sigh...

Phantom 1.5 / Biotech Is Godzilla

I wish I had someone to care for that was a partner. Feel lonely crying knowing that people never see me a romantic light I'm just a guy people say will find someone... or oh he deserves someone...

Sigh I'll go to sleep now and live in my fantasy land...

Adrenaline / Yokan / Bouncing Dot

All I want is a hug and someone to love no more repeating mistakes

Burning Inside / Nights In White Satin / Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!

I shouldn't complain I don't have a bad life by any means even if sometimes I think I don't. As much as I work and study and even owe money to close relatives who help me. I can't help but think of things I've thrown away over the years it seems like a waste. I must admit sometimes it catches up on me like people sending me abuse when a funeral takes place from people left and right including people I live with from the moment I wake up/woken up to. It was a while ago but it still bothers me that people thought I didn't give a shit. Blah going in circles that was a while it just got me angry and that needed to be said.

I'll stop I'll just go on and on about stupid things I think about..... being lonely crying at night feeling sorry for myself and such. I don't feel comfortable talking I appreciate everyone's love and care as dumb as it sounds sometimes I just want a dumb answer of "hey, it's alright...". I know its false. I just wish I had company.....

Dislocated Day[Live] - Porcupine Tree - Coma Divine

 

Elf Darkness / Chet

Do you ever feel not wanted because you give off a vibe of yourself and how you are really feeling inside...

Most In Common / 45 till Midnight

Walk in.... Scarred for life..... *shudders*

MAKE TOTAL DESTROY / Rollin'n'Scratchin

Life would be great as a robot... Feelings seem to bring me down when I least expect I've got to learn not to take on others problems and do the dumb thing of trying to put myself in their shoes... Sometimes id be nice to just kick back with friends without any anxiety seems like a distant dream to me.

63YAS / AP Hawk Dimensions

I hate feelings wish they would go away... Things would be simpler

Kwanten / Isometry 1.1

I wish I had spare time sometimes... I work my arse off in every aspect in my life whether it be friends, work, or whatever else. Sometimes all I want is a simple hug. A night where I could relax.

Just like vinyl / all I WA

So busy so stressed so very scared of letting important people in my life down. Fighting at home. random things appear in my life making things harder. So tired falling asleep all the time like now.

Ragna Noel / Aussie drp

Just want to cry I'm such a waste of time tossing and turning trying to sleep. Always thinking of how behind I am how people find it amusing, funny, interesting. How I misread everything feeling dumber every second and more awkward.

Cowering in the corner / Flush

I feel bad... There's things id like to talk about but am literally scared about getting yelled at. I already feel inferior.

Ih Ah / Jan

Grrrr why do I bother making an effort with certain people if they don't with me. Oh well guess I have others just shitty. I should evolve and learn.

Undertow / Duckworth

Why do I hate myself I don't understand why I think this way I'll just roll around In my own head. Crying inside smiling around others while I die inside...

Polymorphic Code / Nova

All I want to do is ball my eyes out why can't I just feel happy why do I always feel so lonely, empty and unfulfilled.

Je Dois Partir / Did I Give You Concrete Shoes?

I look at myself in the mirror see my ugly self, fat, just unattractive and desperate for acceptance DESPERATE FOR ANYTHING. Wanting things over and done with so I feel less of a pathetic loser wondering the Earth with no future. Feeling anxious like I'm a terrible person who keeps annoying people pissing them off being awkward. People take pity on me while I cry at night but who cares. Does it matter I'll be contacted because I'm asking for attention and sympathy for my non-problems. Too tired to type anymore. Bottom of the line is ugly, awkward annoying cunt, desperate, lonely, crying loser... Pffttt... I am the table.

The Only Way (Is The Wrong Way) - Filter - The Amalgamut

ACV / Custard Paint / Ever Be

This last week I've been stewing over the past things I loved things I hated... Things that can't leave my mind good, bad and the held back. You can be driving and a topic will just pop in mind and it won't leave I'll review it over and over trying to make sense of events not always bad not always to even to do with myself either.
I like to think some aspects of my life will return to the way it previously was. Denial of my depression was bliss in a weird way. I'm not living in denial I know I'm not happy or content with my life but I try and soldier on.
I'm still so lonely all I want is human contact. Why am I so god damn ugly, and awkward how can people find contentment I don't understand... I recently met a girl so cheery, so happy never have I met someone like this person ever I don't get it at all.

Hang out with people all on online dating all getting bites while i get nothing... People talk about people chasing one another and it just happening. Things just happening is something people have told me for years to make me feel better saying but you have this in your life or this. All I want is someone to hold, have fun with fuck it why so I write this no one really understands they say they do they have no idea. Just a lonely anxious fuck.

Fried Oreos / Recording Paradise on Chapel

Anxious, lonely, feeling dumb, left in the dust.... Just some things I use to describe my life. I feel like a jerk... When I haven't done a thing like a burden... Full of hopes and dreams so far out of reach. Want to cry...what's it matter no one cares anyway....

My CD isn't great / Floating Sequence

First day of 2013 feel good.... Till I lay down and realise how alone I am and how I can't take my own advIce. New years resolution same as last year same as every year... "beat depression get girlfriend lose virginity". People say it'll happen when it happens....easy for you to say try it yourself people say oh I'm going through the same thing fuck off you are you don't know anything...