Land Of Confusion / The Gentle Hum Of Anxiety

I have a good day but in the background I feel my chest tight and I don't really know why I try not to think about it because it makes me feel a little crazy and jealous of people anxiety is fucked I hate it makes me feel uncomfortable & like I'm running out of air literally. I go home get blasted then get "I'm sorry" then blasted then "I'm sorry" at the end of the day she has no right to tear me down for being nice worried about getting taken advantage of when she has no idea at all... People say I'm too nice....what is too nice? and is it really a bad thing?.....Don't people like nice people I guess not that's why I'm single maybe I should be a little more.... to be honest I don't know... a few years ago I tried being cocky and a prick it was disgusting just to see if it works and the funny thing is it works society is shit sometimes I tried to be that guy its just not me I hate it to. I hate this anxiety go away and go away images. I want someone new to enter my life or anyone to turn around and see that I will treat them well and listen. I put love number 1 but remain curious to physicality of "love" I want this feeling of being alone to end I have no one or even anyone I'm interested in really maybe I do... but I let my image that to be honest I like shatter any chance of any risks with my job position I constantly worry about being called a sleaze so I don't know how to approach anything romantic. I want to be over this person its such a shit thing its hard when this person means a lot to you  as a friend and the other feels the same with decade long history so we are both trying to work on it both going through hard times with hidden demons we hide from everyone but each other. We both want to help each other but we both don't want to hurt each other in the process such a weird but nice dynamic in essence. It's amazing the lengths I'll go for love and friendship I feel they are the most important things to me, I try so so hard for people I wonder if anyone notices at all is it even worth it at all I'd like to think it is. Am I trying to hard? Do I look like an idiot? I guess this is the anxiety seeping in.... Am I getting in others way without meaning to?.... I feel out of place at times despite the fact I should feel comfortable I feel confused with life and everything that's happening it all seems so random with events socially happening sporadically and its all spare of the moment so its weird and I'm being chucked around I'm not complaining to much I don't know how to feel its all sort of blah.... Just re-reading this I'm all over the place. I write this feeling tight and nervous not even paying a lot of attention to my surroundings. I know I don't really have any REAL problems I just felt like writing this to I don't even know why kind of an attention seeker at times nowadays I remember a few years ago I used to criticize those who did this even though I'm doing it now.

Dazed & Confused - Led Zeppelin - The Song Remains The Same