Tweez / Reject Yourself

Doing things for the sake of doing things I never do that never *eyes shift* what is wrong with me nothing entertains me nothing I'm beginning to worry I may not be interested or excited to do anything ever again I try doing things watching things I wouldn't normally do but still I remain bored out of my mind. I did have a little excitement tonight getting quoted in a countdown on a big music site for one of my favourite albums Porcupine Tree's "Fear Of A Blank Planet" great album id you haven't heard it but you can see my quote on this page HERE :).

Must find some entertainment. Must find purpose to wake up in morning. If my counselor saw these "must's" she would kill me. I want a reason to wake up why should I wake up to be bored out of my mind I do things to distract from thoughts GO AWAY!!! Tomorrow I'm waking up at an ungodly hour to help a new housemate move I seriously cbf but it'll drag me away from this prison I have created so I'm going to try and smile. I can't cry such a robot. Excusing myself from things is becoming harder even casual questions like you want a beer or why are you busy is starting to get to me. There is still important people who have no idea how I am I kinda want to scream for help, someone to talk to but I'm scared and no one cares anyway plus as a guy I must satisfy and upkeep image its such bullshit. I hate what I have become I used to be so strong now I'm a wreck anxious about everything even though things are probably fine I'm just blind to everything and kind of retarded.

Just Barely Breathing - Killswitch Engage - Alive Or Just Breathing