Special K / Arriving Somewhere...

Yeah... what I said before I did none of the visiting the folks why....? cos fuck that instead sleep till 7pm seems legit yeah? eat first meal at like 9pm yeah all the healthy... I say I wasn't down today but maybe I was. I guess at times I do feel empty, and sometimes I get kind of anxious over what I think may be a side effect of the pill which is kind of good, bad, & tiring and kind of hard to talk about (laughs to self about self)....on the plus side the headaches and dizziness is slowly going away which I am so so glad about that it was starting to really fuck me off. I now have a big ass tank set up with a boss axolotl who can fuck a cricket right up in less than a micro second. I had some fun tonight hanging with a close friend she is awesome and I appreciate your support always :). I guess I am still kind of hung up but I can see the light a little bit and am coping a little better maybe the friendship I was worried about may be repaired sooner than later but I am still taking caution and am a little scared whether the closeness will still be there but at the moment its looking good.

Your Neighborhood Spaceman - Peeping Tom Feat. Jel & Odd Nosdam - Peeping Tom(Self Titled)

No Re-Entry? / Deadwing

I wake up honestly to lazy to do anything I'm still in bed as I type this just tired & bored I need something in my life to entertain me, I'm going to head to my folks hear them say they are unhappy with how things are and I'm just going to be like that's nice its going to happen though it's my birthday celebration  if you don't like it I guess you can celebrate with me next year and to tell them to leave my brother alone its obvious he is sick of it... being the middle man that is he has nothing to do with it.

I get contacted out of the blue by someone that has been a little bit of a mystery to me and at the moment I don't know how I feel a week seems like an eternity but I haven't seen you in like months now :(. I also lost Golden Susan last night I'm sad now.... RIP Susan.

In Loving Memory - Alter Bridge - One Day Remains

 

It's A Madhouse / Under Pressure / Being Everyone

This, that, this, that oh god!!....things to do, people to appease, and satisfy I don't want to let you down I want to take a breather but I don't and can't. Stumbling around insecure about petty decisions and actions tripping over all of my own shit. I can see myself getting touchy and anxious again, not to mention folks getting up in my shit putting my brother in the middle which is not cool about MY birthday which they are going the right way into being not involved at all if they keep going I don't care if that sounds selfish that's the way things will be and I don't care. Weekend has started already got people texting me to catch up who I haven't seen in ages I feel more busy than when uni was on. I will try and see you all soon most of you have no idea what I'm going through and I'd kinda just love a day to kick back and relax with some friends without all of the ahhhh....ehhhh... awkwardness that is happening but I'm not going to hold my breath for that one sadly to be honest I'm jealous I'm not involved in the car pile up just to be involved as retarded as that sounds.

I also find myself jealous of nearly everyone I know purely because they have a love life even if theirs is fucked up at least they have one better than just a third wheel for everything.

Breakdown - Breaking Benjamin - We Are Not Alone

 

Into The Fire / Soft Trees Break The Fall

Tonight has been hot, sweaty, and wet the best combination yeah? Finally got my tax done finally..... out of the way. I'm kinda bored but I just find it hard to be entertained these days by anything really, I do like the company I keep even if things are kinda up and down at the moment I wish they weren't but I can't do much to change things I can sit back while the cars pile up which sucks when its people you know and care for good people to *loud sigh face*.

Kind of got tempted tonight by my casual acquaintance alcohol I'm no drinker but occasionally even the odd shot at work but on this medication it essentially cancels it out...yeah the next hour the shot was in my system kind of sucked I ain't drinking for a while on these. Work was quick... well it seemed quick despite the fact it was quiet which was nice. Organizing a party and dinners for my 21st is frustrating and a waste of time no one will probably come and the ones that do will probably be derps invited out of courtesy sadly arghhhh.

In the meantime I hope people enjoy this new track I know I do.

Breakin' A Sweat (It's Alright) - Skrillex & The Doors Collaboration - RE:GENERATION

 

The Clock / Negative Creep

Last night I thought over my thoughts again I'll leave things the way they are I'd probably just drag them down I have that effect on people, I'm kind of a waste of peoples time. I wake up with a splitting headache like everyday fucking amazing. Only things I tend to be good at is work, and listening to others (which anyone can do nothing special). Life at the moment seems so boring but still stressful i see my friend group slowly crumble and why...you ask... essentially forbidden attraction and sex...gah I hope everything turns out alright in the future but somehow I think it won't... ahh life why you suck and be derp.

Dead Eyes See No Future - Arch Enemy - Anthems Of Rebellion

 

The Moor / I Don't Want To Wait

Today I did pretty much all of the fuck all. But I did find myself watching a 90s teen drama "Dawson's Creek" essentially a cheesy corny drama but still with the embodiment and values of 90s as much as I think the 90s was fairly meh, but the values from people generally in their teens from that era were quite strong they had morals something that in my my eyes simply just doesn't exist anymore which sucks. They also had a bit of respect when it came to the act of sex where now its casual am I the last of the generation that I wasn't even a part of that believes that sex shouldn't be casual or am I just the odd one out condemned to be an idiot and a loser.

Thinking of taking a leap on something that in the last few days has caught my eyes despite the fact I may be scolded for it in my social group but this is just a casual thought I really haven't thought much past the possibilities plus I don't actually know if I'm ready for anything anyway. I'm probably out of this persons league anyway oh well its merely a thought I'm happy with the way things are now despite it being new so I won't bother I think this is running through my head purely because this person is there and I've never really talked to them before. I'm just kind of lonely I guess no one wants commitment at my age or in this day and age sometimes I think its terrible that the unfaithful and casual get somewhere while the ones that are loyal and caring just drift through life lonely and depressed it suck it really, really does.

Everything In It's Right Place - Radiohead - Kid A

 

The Unthinking Majority / Walking In Circles

Today I woke up late got myself a little worked up over something that was probably nothing that was all good an hour later.... Stewed in bed till 6pm started playing Dungeons and Dragons with some close friends despite the errr.... ahhhh... *cough* AWKWARD *cough* situation that was building and building.....and my pending position/stance, still dizzy physically from these fucking pills. Had to kind of stop DnD session sorry guys my head was thumping like crazy by the end. Then to chuck on some sweet, sweet "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" that made me happy I cut it off to help a friend vent which I'm fine with they are good to me and anyone good to me I help them in turn :).

Trying to grasp why some people have it so easy while some people that work hard and put in emotional effort with people get nowhere... maybe I should just close myself off be cocky that'll work yeah?.... oh that's right it does at least at the moment I guess I'll have to wait 5 years till people see who I really am all of the fucking fair sometimes I hate being mature at least I think I am...

I spent most of the end of tonight relaying things in my head situations..., smiles..., conversations..., general good times.... a friend who I choose not to see or speak to you because of my stupid feelings... I miss you dearly... I just want to hang out I miss our fun and shopping trips even if they were just to ALDI or town which has like no shops really at all.... and of course Nandos. Despite everything at the moment I want you at my 21st you know that and I know you will be there.

This song I have posted on my blog before but I feel that it's relevant still sadly...

Over And Over - Three Days Grace - One-X

 

Acid Trip In Disneyland / People Pleaser

Today I got shit done well sorta went to folks to show them "Hey, I haven't seen you in like 3-4 weeks and I broke huge news to you and haven't killed myself....". I also went to check on some one to check that they are "A-O-K" (Queue "Welcome To Fold - Filter"). Drove to see grandparents to show same as folks see above quote.

Watched some pro Asian Super Street Fighter IV Arcade Edition.... then ended up in K-Mart at 3:30am seems legit yeah? All with a throbbing headache, dizzy as fuck, and thinking of someone I really shouldn't think about arghhhhhh.......

Also note to self late at night with a throbbing headache don't blast this killer track especially at the end the PAIN!!!! oh god the PAIN!!!!

Abandoner - Steven Wilson - Insurgenetes

Tricks And Traps / Warrior On The Edge Of Time / Sir, Yes Sir

Today was all of the errrr.... ahhhh.... uncomfortable for starters I am and have been quite dizzy for most of today stupid pills. A situation arose which was like I being thrown back and fourth trying to make friends happy not mention an old mate who has me extremely worried I kinda went into emergency mode for that one not taking any precautions. Am kinda worried about pending aftermath between the two if all goes badly will it be as if my parents have been divorced and its more awkward than what should be known as the AWKWARDNESS DAY THAT EVAH HAPPENED!!!! because that would suck but I guess life sucks ive said this a fair bit today, But I'm trying a new thing being optimistic about things that are happening to me some would say "Deform To Form A Star"...

Deform To Form A Star - Steven Wilson - Grace For Drowning

 

Oceans Have No Memory / Love Is Illness

Yesterday was a bit all over the place I wake up worrying about my housemate to find her shaking from having her drink spiked and to hear someone is coming over who to be honest I've never really got to know to well and I'm glad I got to know them a bit better than I did before so much so I even presented them with access to this blog.

I also found myself in the supermarket to grab things I need to find myself constantly going blank just like I do in conversations cos of these fucking pills so I wonder like a crazy person till I remember what I came there for. Yesterday was also the first day of which of I start full dosage on these anti-depressants so I toss in turn in bed last night for like 4 hours till a get to sleep and wake up just after midday despite trying to get an early night in which sucks. All I did yesterday was think about a certain someone again I set that as one of my goals to be able to hang with her once again I miss my best friend she is the coolest person in the world so much fun.

Tom Sawyer - Rush - Moving Pictures (Performed Live In Holland)

 

Postcard / Thanks Bro

Tonight I missed out on a pretty fucked night apparently a mate was in trouble felt bad I couldn't do anything to help them hopefully they pull up from the event better and stronger than before...I know they will cos they are strong and very independent except not black unless there is something this individual hasn't told me.

I also found out that a certain someone is worried about me I want to contact this person and say please don't dwell over my wellbeing I will get there and say hey again! (which kinda triggered thinking). Work was slow then later became actually kinda hectic I pulled through with a minor hiccup then out of nowhere I have an encounter with the owner in the office one-on-one he gives me a tip and talks business details and all and says I'm doing an amazing job which made me all happy... after work went home fap...sleep...........ahhhhhhh monster work week is over.......

Rise Of The Fallen - Soulfly feat. Greg Puciato - Omen

Forget To Remember / Dead Memories

Ahhh.... I keep going blank I think its the drugs I have something in my head then I just lose it from my train of thought. I was going to mention that work is great but.... It just seems that I miss out on everything socially it sucks hearing things like "Best Night" or missing inside jokes that have developed based on a night out. This drug has made me happier but it seems kinda false...

Misplaced Opportunities / The Space In Between

Today was fair strange to be honest I felt like I have achieved nothing really sat around most of the day got my shit together near the end then it was off to work it wasn't necessarily a bad day. Good thing about going to work is that I am surrounded by people that care about me and I can be myself which is nice.

Later that night I received mixed signals from someone should I have pursued? Oh well... if it comes up again I may have a crack next time there is always next time(seemed out of nowhere). Kinda short this post its only cos I'm kinda blank at the moment don't know what to think oh well sleep I go early wake up for Armageddon Expo NERDS ASSEMBLE!!!!!!!!

Fear Of A Blank Planet - Porcupine Tree - Fear Of A Blank Planet

 

Keep Talking / Lavender

Last night I was feeling quite good maybe all I needed was a nice relaxing drive in the country or maybe it was the drug...I'd like to think it's me. My trap I set yesterday for myself was successful it was to tell my mum about my condition she was a little shocked and a little speechless but I guess what was I to expect of her.

Last night I built up the confidence to talk with some people about this blog showing another person who was interested into taking a look into my thoughts which is always nice.Day 2 on the drugs well I was a lot better only had the occasional dizzy spell but nowhere near as bad as before nowhere near as bad which is amazing. I had another awkward situation yesterday involving a friends parents asking "oh where do you work".... ahhhhhh....ummm.... Home House lolol. Definitely didn't sound like they believed me oh well It'll come up at some point I assume. I love my work generally its the only work place I know of where you can talk about fucking a goat I know of unless I'm wrong. But at times I hate it cos when people ask me outside of the place especially meeting me outside of work if I'm honest about where I work about people develop assumptions and expectations and judge which is completely understandable which I guess it's one of the reasons I go out of my way to show people I'm not who they perceive which later shocks and astounds people which I find quite amusing. All up I think I actually had a good day yesterday with no hiccups in mood.

Cyclone - 12012 - DIAMOND

 

This Is The Warning / Waiting Phase 1

To tired to blog I'll get around to it tomorrow or in the morning hopefully...

Back The Fuck Up - Fear Factory - Digimortal

 

Empty Spaces / Subterranean Homesick Alien

Essentially Day 1 down.... how'd it go you ask?.... well... started quite strange feeling very ummm spacey is probably the best way to describe it if that makes sense to anyone. Then to being extremely awake and alert just totally stimulant I was knocking daily tasks out like boss I was like... FUCK YEAH! Then came the low end at work I started to become dizzy, hyperventilating, and feeling physically sick hopefully that doesn't happen to often.

Tonight I set a trap for myself for tomorrow a good trap hopefully see how it goes tomorrow :) everything should go fine well at least I hope. To a close friend of mine I don't know what happened tonight or what you are thinking but I'll give you space and hopefully you are good tomorrow I won't lie some of your texts worried me I know its not my business but I do hope your fine.

I Don't Like The Drugs (But The Drugs Like Me) - Marilyn Manson - Mechanical Animals

Sound Of Silver / Endless Dream : Talk

Had a scare tonight sitting alone at a late shut pharmacy waiting for a prescription of a months worth of anti-depressants I'm waiting then my chest feels likes its closing up like a tight sensation along with the urge to breathe heavily out of nowhere I hope this wasn't the first of a series of anxiety attacks cos I'll admit it I was kind of scared especially in a public area alone.

Strange coincidence also occurred I thought I was a tad fucked up then I started watching the British television show "skins" which I've seen many times before including the episode I'm about to refer to where in one episode the character in focus had some similar events happen to me that are quite depressing but I felt kind of relieved in a sense as it poses a situation that I've been put in being displayed as something that happens in life made me feel kind of normal in a sadistic way lol. I know it was late and a tad third wheel when watching it well I felt that way but screw it I had to see the whole episode.

Tomorrow I start taking medication, I know these won't fix me but will help give me a little push into helping beat this thing. I don't know what tomorrow will hold for me supposed to run an errand with someone tomorrow probably won't happen. Maybe I 'll get around to breaking this, my condition to my family. Maybe...

Trying to be entertained is becoming harder, harder nothing seems to interest me in terms of anything I'm striving to be interested in a hobby anything even just a television program it seems like I've seen everything even when I haven't. I'll surely find something. Feels like I'm paranoid or something...

Gold Teeth On A Bum - The Dillinger Escape Plan - Option Paralysis

 

Take A Breath / Audience No.2

Exams over..... now that's a load off my mind now to ensure I don't get kicked out I'm going to fight this as much as I can. In the meantime I want to enjoy the time I have off with my friends while I'm still kind of feeling up don't know how long this will last but till I come crashing down I'll deal with that as it comes along hopefully not too soon.

Discovered one of my favourite events is on this Saturday trying to scrounge up money for this thing it will be great if I can. I need something new in my life to entertain me like 2 or 3 years ago I discovered progressive music which is a huge hobby considering how much of it there is dating all the way back to the 60s and anime which has for some reason not interested me as much the past year don't know why.... Want something fresh and I'll say it "indie". Or maybe I just want a love life a girl to share some fun...But I'll put that on hold till I know I'm all good with how I feel about myself a good friend(well a few but one explaining it quite simply) told me that... I threw it away as a nothing comment but looking back it does make sense so I'll work on that I try and not let "me" get to "me". I know not to tackle too much at a time so maybe thing once every few days take a step towards recovery I will beat this thing in time, I now know things just don't change time is a huge factor.

Also a great big shout out to all those who have been there for me the past few weeks all your support has  not gone unnoticed and also putting up with all my shit... I know essentially I've been nothing but...well to put it nicely a cunt.

You Can't Hurry Love - Phil Collins - Hello, I Must Be Going!

Dare To Be Stupid / Free Speech For The Dumb

Quickly losing friends..... alienate people make fucking stupid moves...

Socially fucking retarded I blow an opportunity for a friend cos I'm fucking dumb I twig last second  or try not to make things obvious but I take to long and bang I fuck things up like I always do, all I do is cause problems for those around me and they try to be nice put up with me and not go off at me cos of how I am its nothing but a bullshit excuse... I know I've said it before but later tomoz after a bad exam I should just go home and lock myself away that way I'm in nobodies way.

I hate this... why is life so essentially shit all I seem to do is get in someone's way and one friend in particular I'm so sorry I wish I could make it up to you I know I can't.

I wake up with a spring in my step a smile on my face no idea why.... then I come crashing down *loud sigh face*

 Isolation - Alter Bridge - ABIII

Mother Hold the Candle Steady While I Shave the Chicken's Lip / Speak

Wake up the last few days without a single patch of blue on my hands fuck yeah..... get a phone call from a close mate who I really haven't spoken to in a while well not about anything serious saying "Your not going to hurt yourself or something" I respond with an obvious "No". I think I should tell people so they know my side of the story rather than hear it from another I know the person who told means well and is telling people that will be sensitive to the issue and are close to me. I kinda don't want special treatment even though I should be getting it...I'm not anything special.

If you are wondering what this "example" is there for its because apparently one of the things I'm supposed to not do is talk myself into thinking ideas such as "I should", "I shouldn't", "But,...", & "What ifs..." If I look back just on posts on this blog I'm bad for all of these. Nearly out into a time when I can sort of relax without constant stresses it may be nicer or harder with less distractions I hate being everyone's problem I wish I knew what people thought of me I feel like an idiot loser clinging onto anyone that will give me the time of day which is actually a lot of people (So I look kind of a little bit crazy) but I don't know if it's because of my state or they actually want to spend time with me that question burns on my mind alot.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone reads this thing only one way to find out "Flying table raping a lion while licking a Ford Festiva".

Whatever - Godsmack - Godsmack(Self-Titled)

 

Don't Touch My Turntables / Deform to Form a Star

Being ultra touchy sucks... I take throw away comments directly to heart even though in a normal frame of mind I would just be like oh that's nothing. What I do in my frame of mind:

• "Oh god why am I the center of that joke is it because this, this and this..."
• "How do I respond to this do I make a joke about them? shut my mouth? what...?"
• "Pretend I didn't hear it..."
• "Oh god just respond don't be awkward things will just get get worse for you..."

I go into tomorrow stressing about confrontation something I can't avoid what will I say? what will I do? Feel like hiding away tomorrow even though that is the worse thing to do in my state, but it is what I want to do that way I can't disappoint anyone unless they call me and abuse me which is great all I ever try to do is the right thing. Beginning to love and hate my room its an emotional prison I use to get away from then my thoughts attack me like a cheese grater to the face not a great feeling not at all.

No Part Of Me - Steven Wilson - Grace For Drowning

Moon Touches Your Shoulder / The Camera Eye

Today was strange don't know how to feel I took steps on my own after a early depressive episode you know the usual eventually pushing myself out of bed.... I did what I had to do for the day thoughts swirling but not as loud, I wish my counseling wasn't cancelled but it was and moved till Friday not much I can do about that. I tried really hard to approach people such as family and close friends about my situation I just....can't I don't know why either I know they will understand and treat me right but.... I'm scared.

I'm so worried about my future will I float around forever not making anything of myself?... probably I'm not good at anything except listening intently be it to music for hours (oh the amount I dream that could be my job...) or to people (not really a job unless you have advice to back it up and I don't know a thing). So yeah future strip club manager yeah?......oh god kill me....

A friend feeling down I want to help you as much as you want to help me you know that I just can't at the moment (well not in person anyway) in the future yes, if you read this I'm thinking of you my friend I promise I'll get there soon and we can hang like good old times like in town we could even go to "Dick Smith" (or just past it). Don't feel too bad for me I'll get there it was never just you its a large combination of things it was kind of a great thing you made me hit this point I have to face this sooner or later.

At the moment I sit in limbo trying to even know how I feel towards life and love and to be honest I have no idea either way... kinda blank and lifeless today itself was just time ticking me staring at a clock waiting for it to end I don't know why it wasn't even that bad... I know that sounds strange but I'm being honest.

Sooner Or Later - Breaking Benjamin - We Are Not Alone

 

Sex, Sleep, Eat, Drink, Dream / Symphony #9

Social inadequacy something I feel all the time I know everyone feels this but I feel at times that I haven't grown socially properly like most people grow up in their teens having their first kiss by 13-14 then experiencing sex or having a sexual experience of some description at the age of 16-18 and amongst all of it being in and out of relationships. Well I have not followed anyone of those generally conceived norms. Which at times I find hard when you such throw away lines from people such as "oh you know what it's like when you break up with someone...." or even just a random sex story. I don't know what to say half the time so I do what I always do crack a joke usually bad that doesn't make sense at my dispense people laugh thinking oh he's alright...

It's not like I can say anything in these situations either cos its me that's fucked up not anyone else, people say they understand what I mean when I say this but that comes from people who have taken the steps listed above. I guarantee you if they were in my shoes they would understand how overwhelming it is everyday you can't escape sex it's everywhere television stations, internet (ORLY?), normal conversation but then again not even sex just talking about relationships or a short romantic encounter people at least assume that I've experienced that I haven't...

Its not even the act of what sex that I'm curious about its having a closeness with someone it sounds just nice, open, honest, having complete vulnerability and still being safe sounds like a wonderful thing to me. What do I do since I can't have that, pretend I know what people are talking about crack a bad joke no one will know how I feel COS I'M A ROBOT!!!!!!!

In the meantime I need to deal with what ever life throws at me please, please be nice to me, I've been ever so good. At least I think I have been...

Socio - Stone Sour - Come What(ever) May

Changing Channels / Diluted

Alone, isolated things I feel... I want to talk but feel people will just shout at me saying you haven't got any real problems I guess nobody wants to deal with me. Exams around the corner there is no possible way for me to pass.... I feel more shame towards me coming soon you failed again, people who started same time as me finishing, feel like saying you have no idea what's going on but I can't.

I don't want to get treated like a special case but am but at the same time know I should a bit. Mind is swirling in thought about life just being thrown down the drain. I want to get out of bed but feel embarrassed to be seen anywhere feel like just a big joke it's not a good feeling. I'm sick of people saying you'll find someone oh well 21 years and not even anything close should I just fall into a pit of casual sex at least maybe I'll be good for something to people or maybe I'll just suck at that too like I do at most things. In my room just spacing out got an assignment due tonight haven't started... exams this week not ready got too much on my mind going to be kicked out most likely hopefully not.

Phones screwed itself so i lost all my contacts might be a good thing that way I can't bother anyone. Easy for people to say oh it's great being single sometimes.....oh I'm sorry try nothing for 21 years see how you fucking like it and not even a single positive result back in that time or anyone having a crack at you really makes you feel great that no one wants you at all not even for just for sex nothing.....oh your a nice guy your views on relationships are interesting its good that guys like you still exist.... well I'll tell you something we may not exist for much longer(not implying suicide before I get spammed about that) because we are sick of getting jerked around by this world why do all the fuck wits seem to get all the happiness in the world while a nice guy like me(well I like to think I am could be wrong you tell me) gets nothing but pain, and isolation.

FUCKING SICK OF THIS!

Everything Ends - Slipknot - Iowa

 

Shine On You Crazy Diamond / In Bruges

Try and be normal try and do everyday things put on a facade happy happy life is grand. What I did snap at a friend, break a blender, storm off, stare into space at work for hours, get in peoples way.

Should probably just lay in bed for the next few weeks that way people won't have to worry about me and that way I can't get in anyone's way.... I'm not particularly exciting anyway I just mope and bring people down.... The shitty realization that I have become a stereotypical depressed person....

No Excuses - Alice In Chains - Jar Of Flies(EP)

 

Lost In Space / Nerve

Last few weeks have been up and down as you can plainly see by my posts and sadly today and most days are no exception. A few days ago I took a step to talk to a counselor well kind of pushed by people but I'm glad I did even if I sort of get the diagnosis confirmed that I thought I might have sadly. But at least it's curable.

Since my last post some pretty significant events I think have past including my first actual night off for a party in while like a long while and what did I do sit by myself in a room full of people I know and want to talk to me but I just sat drinking drowning myself in my own misery to the point of being sick which has never happened to me.

I feel separated from reality even the slightest thing someone says and I will analyze it even if it means nothing. I'm constantly behaving like a crazy person, If I do something even if it's something i would normally do or say do I'll restrain myself thinking well if I am behaving like a weirdo how long have I been like this...Maybe I need to step out of comfort zone.... which scared me so i just curled up in my room worrying about who I'm going to push away next like I have early tonight....I hope I can sleep tonight images, they suck(well they don't suck they are the most beautiful images imaginable to me BUT THEY MUST GO AWAY!).

I don't know what to do? how do I stop this? what can I do to help it? what shouldn't I do?

Social awkwardness.... 20 years of loneliness ..... always the friend that's what I'll always be to anyone, "you want to go out to the moovies shawtee?" "Oh...ahhh I don't see you that way, but we can hang" story of my fucking life. I can't even sort of do anything about being lonely cos of my own baggage and how I'm still very much in love. And I don't want to make some girl feel like a second chance draw that's not fair and not nice at all.


I guess I'll return to the routine Fap, Cry, Sleep yayayay fapping to temp distract me about life being all of the amazing feeling right now....

A Drowning - How To Destroy Angels - How To Destroy Angels(Self-titled EP)

EP is free download at http://howtodestroyangels.com/