An Epic Of Time Wasted / Room A Thousand Years Wide

I lay in bed dizzy with a headache fucking up something I became fixated on feel kind of stupid since I told everyone not that it's a big deal to make that kind of mistake but I'm being harsh on myself. I don't want to tell people I fucked up its just embarrassing just another thing i can't do right another joke people can make fun of like everything else being a virgin, being shit at video games, being shit at life... I know I'm a joke... I'm scared to talk I'm afraid of being laughed at. I get excited over stupid small stuff because I'm boring and a loser any story I tell is just depressing. What makes it worse is to cover up my insecurities I made a joke about it which I perpetuate because I'm an idiot. I complain about being scared of talking when I generate these situations.  I hate sex I look at girls see their breasts then a voice inside will say "haha you'll never touch anyone's because your essentially shit". The fact I wrote that I'm a dirty perv, societies trash I can't even talk about even a fraction of my problems there not all sex related I just don't know why people bother because people probably just pity me when really I'm just a fuck. I have nothing but bought happiness and having no money goes to show that it's true. I suppose I should cry then nap to ridiculous points wake up and stay up all night yeah? I feel like a waste. I guess I have no confidence how the fuck do people get it I don't even have the strength to fake it...

Nothing Could Come Between Us - Theory Of A Deadman - Self-Titled