Juular / Your Bore

Saw a friend today there's till some tension but its all coming from me and the incident a few weeks back had tea watched an amazing film. Only thing shit about tonight was the feeling of being left out I know it wasn't intentional but it brings me down at times. Everyone is talking about sex, sex, sex.... stories and so on and I just have nothing to give all the stories I have are boring and I know it I have nothing crazy to tell even stories at my club just aren't that interesting. I'm boring do I have to go out clubbing pop a pill to spice my stories up, go out hooning, get a girl drunk and fuck her, be reckless and irresponsible to be interesting. I used to think I was at least funny now I just don't know I feel like I don't know what I should say especially in front of new people I don't want to come off as a sleaze so I make no sexual jokes at all so I seem censored...when I'm censored I don't seem right I seem uncomfortable. People tell me being single is alright use it to find yourself... WTF does that even mean. Being a virgin is a burden it makes you feel left out all the time within my age group as its all everybody ever talks about especially in Geelong if I say anything people will treat me like I'm disabled which I sort of want in a way I'm twisted and hypocritical or I'll get immature people saying "I'll hook you up...wanna get your fuck on yeah?". I don't wanna sit at home and feel sorry for myself it seems easier right now all I do is sleep. My phone is whisper quiet my Facebook is quiet I get contacted when people want something I guess I'm boring, a wet blanket. Everything I say here is fucked either wanting pity or something cos I know I'm just a selfish prick I try my my best not to be. I guess as corny as it sounds it stems from problems I have with my father leaving my mother being a jerk and so on and me wanting to not be that guy and so on. I could say I have things going on in my life but that's just me being an attention seeking fuck I have nothing I lay in bed let anxiety and depression consume me like the past few days sleep wake up 5 hours later start the day proper at some fucked up hour I have to be up in a few hours I sit here reattempting dating sites like some pathetic loser waiting for my "No, we can be friends" response which means hell no. I run around in circles in my head. I'll have fun with my paid happiness tomorrow like I always do then come home to my boring home and tell boring stories while people feign interest to be polite or I'll retell stories like I do. I'm nothing but a bore....the "friend"....the nice guy that finishes last... the nobody... the number.

The Mighty Masturbator - The Devin Townsend Project - Deconstruction