Its been miserable at times this weekend feeling empty and alone not making society ideals that get to me at times sleeping away times where I should be doing something but lacking motivation. Hearing about friends being mugged, physically attacked and such and them not telling you because they don't want you to worry about them. Having a feeling of uncertainty towards life, love, & finance staring at a ceiling for most of the time. Lacking appetite and energy. Dealing with a social group full of the thing that increases my curiosity and hate towards that topic seeing power games, & mind games along with harsh judgements being made (not that I can't talk I'm one of the worse for it I'm just not as loud about it as others). I have situations in love up in the air which is starting to feel like star watching its just always going to be out of reach with me. I sit and stare into space at times....at the point where I'm accepting the fact that any girl I ever want will always be a friend to me. Learn to warm to knowing that my girlfriend will be my hand......The thing is I'll admit my sexual curiosity is high but what I really want is just a warm embrace a girl to be close with. I know I talk about this shit all the time and people will read this and go AGAIN....gah seriously man get over it others have worse problems than your shit. I guess I want to talk its just I know my problems pale in comparison but when it does come to conversation I'm in a blank state and look like an idiot which increases anxiety which increases my rumination GAH FUCKING CYCLES OF SHIT!!!!!...Then once I have thoughts my time to talk has passed (same with this blog I've probably forgotten a topic that I wanted to post my thoughts on). I started to feel much happier near the end of the night getting a few thanks from people tonight helped me feel appreciated which was a nice feeling.
2+2=5 - Radiohead - Hail To The Theif
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