Onward Into Battle / Idle Blood

Today I sat awkwardly in my house feeling like nobody wanted me there despite knowing logically that people like me I think but I don't know I second guess myself every thing I do or think scared I'm going to annoy someone or make a mistake and people will cut me down so I just stay motionless or say nothing only when I have to or when I have the courage to. I leave for work thinking well they don't have to deal with me anymore at least.... I feel like breaking down crying I can't even help myself I try sitting around people in an attempt at escaping my lonely self I suppose I should get used it but I'm scared I type this in tears why am I scared of myself how can I be so good at helping others but pathetic towards myself. Why am I always a friend... I get told everyday that I'm sweet and funny and caring but never anyone worth dating from many people it gets to me that I'm all these things all positive qualities I guess its a physical thing being unattractive and overweight which I'm trying to fight slowly. I have a girl that may or may not be interested in me then she uses word like friend and have interruptions all that's going through my head is she's way too attractive for you, it won't happen, you will fuck up the little niche group you have right now, your in the friend zone forget about it, & work will then be fucked for a year like before. WHY AM I SUCH AN ANXIOUS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHT NOW!!! I want to scream and cry in pain. Even when I'm around others I feel alone, hated, not wanted, waste of space, weird, always wrong. I'm very touchy at the moment I wish someone would just hug me pat me on the back and say its alright. I know I was there for a friend tonight but what they don't know is that they were really there for me as well.

Day And Then The Shade - Katatonia - Night Is The New Day