Will To Rebuild / Belle De Jour

Today was me being me and speaking like this doesn't help as that is something I've got to stop "rumination" and maybe I also have to work on my independence a bit as well maybe with me sorta relying on emotional support most of the time asking for answers. I have trouble answering myself for fear of making the wrong decision and disappointing or fucking up others...here I go ruminating again. I know recently I've caused frustration and anger in some people who I must thank for being patient with me and honest I do appreciate it I do I'll try and make up for my....well....shitness(playing the victim STOP IT!). To be honest at the moment I struggle to feel more than blah I know my happiness is what I make it and I need to learn to deal with that. I like to think I'm open minded most of the time willing to take close friends views on board and try to tackle it and try and change my behavior I know in my state now I can be a pain and I'm glad people feel I'm worth the effort to help. I'm going to try and make my own life better and help myself. Tonight I had intense time trying to fight my own problems with excuses and in my state which isn't an excuse for anything but I may use it as an excuse which isn't right at all I don't like getting to that point I really don't. List:

• Given a second chance
• Random beach drive
• Random late hilly suburbs drive
• Attribute to nice act
• Watch The Cat Returns
• Organize a Melbourne trip for next week

 I'm going to try and stop seeking salvation with goals it will be hard with me. Its hard for me to help myself using this blog at times for fear of using it for ruminating like I sort of did above. I kind of sound like a mess which I want to change. I usually post a song here but today I'm going post a video that makes me excited and happy enjoy if anyone bothers with the vid.

Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie Trailer (It's Got Shrim!)